I recently made a post about how Zack and I purposely live sea duty rotations with a positive attitude...maybe this is part of the reason why we decided to do back to back. This is part 2 of that post. Finding the positives in a deployment. This is the part of the rotation that many mil members and spouses dread...the being gone part. After Zack left for boot camp, I scoured Amazon looking for a few good books that would provide me the information I would need to become a Navy spouse and not one of "those" wives. My favorites, Separated by Duty, United in Love...A Guide to Long-Distance Relationships for Military Couples by Shellie Vandervoorde. This book gave a lot of practical advice from many married mil spouses but it is my favorite for it's first chapter: Departure and the Games We Play. The chapter details the five stages of a deployment....The Mind Games(prior to deployment), Depression (0-2 weeks), The Resentment, Getting into a Routine, and lastly Living on Love(where you've got your grove). And at least for us that's how it goes and it was nice to finally have someone spell it out what I was feeling...validating my emotions. I've recommended the book to more than a few mil significant others since. I also remember reading about how experienced mil spouses actually look forward to deployments to have that time to do things they normally wouldn't/couldn't do. At the time I found that idea to be crazy...who would actually feel that way?! But as time went on in Zack's career I started to understand. On Zack's last deployment on the Truman, I made a deployment list of do's...things I was going to accomplish while he was gone. The list included a care package sent once a month, a DVD of us sent two weeks after a package, not go gain 20lbs(did that the first go around!), learn to make homemade cinnamon rolls...etc. Having a list of of items I wanted to accomplish actually did make me excited! Not to negate that fact that I would still have like my husband to be home. I am currently thinking over my list in my head...what do I want to accomplish this go around? Once I have my list, I will type it out and make it look professional, neat, and clean. Hit print and I will put it on the fridge next to the calendar and our monthly budget. It's that important. Once I have my list I will be sure to share with you all. To go along with the list and making the mental preparations of him leaving, I'm trying to find the positives in him leaving. It's going to happen. He is going to leave. And I'm going to have a positive attitude about it. This is what I have.
1. I will not accidentally fall into the toilet in the middle of the night because Zack forgot to put the lid down.
2. I will not have to watch the FOX animated shows(that I'm almost positive lower IQ's!).
3. Laundry will be cut in half without his uniforms and civilian clothes.
4. The house will not get as dirty so fast.
5. Everything will be where I put it because there will be no one around to move it.
6. I can redecorate and rearrange until I have it perfect just in time for him to come home.(Mil spouses do this...it's sorta like getting a new haircut after a break-up...the husbands leave and it's time to rearrange!)
7. I can watch HGTV and TLC as much as I want without getting dirty looks from the opposite couch.
8. The dishwasher will fill up slower.
9. There will be no one to tell me that I'm a horrible driver and making him sick in the passenger seat(I promise I'm not that bad!).
10. I can mow the grass and not have to worry about using a scissors afterwards to get all the grass I missed before he sees it.
11. I can squeeze from the middle of the toothpaste tube...ahhh freedom!
12. I don't have to watch him play video games.
13. I can buy chick food at the commissary and not have to go so often.
14. The kitchen will not get dirty two seconds after I just spent an hour cleaning it.
15. We will not/allow ourselves to argue via email...we just don't do it. So we are sweet, kind, encouraging, positive,....to each other the entire time and it strengthens our relationship. We don't allow our everyday stress to come between us while we're apart. It's too easy just to shut the other out. We try to do that too when he's home.
And I'm sure there are a few others that I could come up with...
Yes, I realize that with each of these there are more than a few negatives attached b/c we really do miss him when he's gone...but that's not the point! The point is that there are positives and that's what I'm focused on!
