Thoughtful Minimalists

Our family has been busy lately.  I've been preparing for our move and for Zack to come home to us.  It's a similar process of going room to room so it was easy to do it at the same time.  I know that I've mentioned before that we are anti-stuff.  I've recently come to realize that we share many of the same beliefs as minimalists.  And so we are minimalists...something that I never thought I would label myself as growing up being a pack-rat!  However, it does fit us.  We really do think long and hard before bringing in something new to our house...sometimes it's a long painful process thinking it over.  (It took us over one calendar year to finally decide to get an iPad!)  Do we need it? Does it serve the purpose we want it to?  Does it go along with our family philosophy?  And truthfully almost all of the time we decide against it.  Noah is at the age now where he sees things or hears his friends talking about an item and he expresses interest in owning said item.  Almost all of the time it's a gentle no and an explanation about how we have enough.  We don't need more.  We need to play with the items we have and enjoy what we have.  And sometimes it's an item that comes under consideration and is stored away for a possible gift from Santa.  It's not that we mind him playing with the toys it's just not something we are comfortable owning in our house.

One of the many things we've been able to shelter our kids from the American culture is the more, more, more mentality.  More is better in America.  But more isn't better.  Our children have never seen a long toy aisle in Wal-Mart or Toys R Us.  They've seen the small toy aisles at the NEX our out in town which is nothing to compared to the average length of aisles in America.  Will they see toy aisles in America?  I'm sure that it can't be avoided even though we most likely wouldn't buy any of the toys anyway.  And I am sure that they will be tempted and point out this and that.  And once again we will have the conversation gently telling them that they have enough.  We don't need more and more to make us happy.  Noah has seen toy commercials as a baby but he hasn't seen any in years.  Yes, our kids have not been exposed to toy commercials.  We cancelled our cable television a while ago and we only get the free Armed Forces Network(AFN) channels.  I can thank AFN for their cheesy public service announcements instead of exposing our children to advertising designed to make them go running to mom and dad saying, "I NEED.....".  We don't watch much television anyway though.  We do watch movies or episodes from certain television series off an external hard drive though.  And so we will not be buying cable when we move to Nevada.  We will not spend the money for the channels when we don't watch them.  That money can be utilized elsewhere.  And it also has the added benefit of being able to monitor the influences that come into our home.

I'd like to point out that it isn't like our children aren't given toys or things they like or enjoy.  They do...but to a point.  Just like anything that comes into the house it is a thoughtful process.  They do have a few toys that I wouldn't mind setting by the curb free for a taker but they enjoy them.  I try to meet them somewhere along the spectrum and so they stay...(for now)!

Caraline recently played with Barbies owned by friends at the pool or their houses.  And I see that she enjoys playing with them...brushing their hair...suckering in an unsuspecting soul to change their clothes for her every few minutes.  The Barbie or no Barbie has been on my mind for a while now...thinking it over because the time was coming.  And I'm still thankful that Christmas is still off in the future that we have more time to come to come to a firm conclusion on whether or not Barbie will be added into the toys at the Gogel house.

Hair Cutting Disaster!

I haven't posted in a while...soaking up the available time for relaxation and downtime...storing it up!  Having mom come and visit and being able to stay with us for so long is wonderful.  It helps give me the extra push and energy needed to get through the deployment season.  The lead up to the ship leaving is so stressful and chaotic that I'm pretty much zapped of energy before it's even time to use it!  So having my parents visit and my mom stay longer gives me a much needed refresher.  And time to catch up with her.  I think we both are looking forward to her retirement and when we can spend more frequent time together.

There is one "incident" that occurred while mom was here that I've been meaning to write a post about.  The "hair cutting" incident between Noah and Caraline.  Mom was in the shower.  I ran upstairs with Abel to change my shirt after Abel soaked it with drool and do a few other minor things.  I come down the stairs and see Noah holding the scissors and Caraline standing in the middle of a huge giant pile of hair!  And my stomach hit the floor...I thought I was going to vomit!  So I cleaned it up while telling and explaining to the kids how this was not a good idea.  It was a very bad idea!  Then I ran upstairs to mom in the shower and yelled...MOM!  By this time my stomach had recovered and I was on the verge of hysterical laughing!  Noah had given her a hack job of a mullet.  Folks...it was BAD!  I called and Facebook messaged a friend saying HELP!  And so she got in contact with a friend that cuts hair here on base...and so it all was "fixed" that night.  I was so grateful!  I know it's just hair.  Just hair.  BUT seriously she wasn't fit for going outside of the house!  That phrase coming from a mom that requires shirt, shorts, and shoes in the summer time.  I don't care what color or pattern the outfit contains.  It can be sandals, tennis shoes, dress shoes, or rain boots...as long as it's appropriate for where we are headed...such as no rain boots to go play at the park.  If they like it and picked it out...then that's good enough for me!

And I knew I was going to hear about it from Zack.  He loved her long hair.  If it would be up to him she wouldn't have her first haircut until she was in school.  And of course I was going to get asked about why there are still scissors laying around the house when of course this is not the first time there has been hair cutting endeavors done by Noah and Caraline.  And so this is why we still have scissors actually multiple pairs of scissors in the art caddy on the table...

The independence the scissors allow the kids to have out weighs the cons of possible hair cutting disasters.  They both have been taught and always follow the "right" way to hold scissors while they are walking...and know they shouldn't leave the table with the scissors unless it's really necessary.  I know...independence.  You've heard it over and over again from me.  They are two and four what possible could I be thinking when they have obviously shown that they do "wrong" things with the independence of having the scissors?  I'm thinking...they are learning!  They both had a moment that I saw on their faces when they realized the consequences of their little hair cutting mutiny.  They learned that mom and dad knew what they were talking about when they told us scissors are only for cutting paper, doing crafts, or to help us open up a snack.  They learned that once something is done you can't just "fix it".  They learned there are consequences to their actions.  They learned that just because they have and idea...doesn't mean that they should go ahead and do it.  And all in all I'd call those lessons much more important than butchered hair cut! 

New Place to Call Home

We haven't received our hard copies yet of our orders and so therefore we are not ready to share what the Navy has in store for us just yet.  But it will be a whole new place and landscape for us.  Each place we call home comes with it's on joys and challenges.  And the attitude about the location has a whole lot to do with how much joy it can bring.  And I refuse to go into a move thinking how horrible it is going to be if the location wasn't what I was hoping for.  But each move raises a whole set of questions and answers and planning.

1. Is this a "good" move for Zack, for us?
2. Do we know anyone there?
3. Do we know anyone that used to lived there...or friends of friends?
4. What do we know about it?
5. What is the weather/climate like?
6. Find appropriate Facebook pages and "Like" them all!
7. How much will the paycheck be?
8. How much will we get for housing?
9. Buy, rent, or base Housing?
10. Utility costs?
11. Washer and Dryer included in base housing?
12. Is there a commissary, NEX, or hospital?
13. What type of insurance do we need to have?
14. Cell Phone provider that has coverage in that area?
15. What's on the base? Movie Theater? Bowling? Etc.?
16. Preschool opportunities and cost associated?
17. Visit greatschools.org and look out the school system.
18. What's around in the community? Travel opportunities?

And the list could go on and on!  But moving each time is starting over.  Now that I know where we are headed I feel myself already starting to "check out" here.  I feel myself becoming less invested and slowly becoming more aware and invested in the base and area of our new home.  "Liking" the spouse page, command page, and various community pages has already slowly started filling my head with information and various possibilities for us and the kids.  We will hit the ground running! :)

Mothering During Deployments: Reflection

My parents are visiting us right now.  This is their third visit to us here in Japan.  We've been having fun hanging out around home.  I am ever so thankful that that they are able to come and visit us...and thankful for their help while they are here.  There is so much that I am able to get done while they are visiting...spring cleaning and doctor appointments!  My parents help me each year to clean that once a year stuff around the house.  I have just enough time during my day to get done the weekly and monthly cleaning...nothing more.  I also wait to schedule my dentist and eye doctor appointments while they are here. 

During the six months while Zack is home during the year, about three fourths of that he is home during the evenings to spend time with us and help out.  The other one fourth of that time...the gearing up time before he leaves is always a crazy time for us.  His work is gearing up...the stress levels rise at work and at home...the kids know something is changing...and it all escalates to craziness.  And then Zack leaves and the level of craziness just drops off.  He's doing what he's trained to do...and well I guess I am too!  It's a lot to handle...this lifestyle.  In many ways I am a single parent all year around.  I hear my dad a few times while he's here telling me I could have helped you...I can tell your used to doing things yourself.  And yes I am.  Zack works for the Navy(Something my parents fully understand).  He may work only a few blocks from the house but that doesn't mean that he's free to come to my rescue.  He isn't!  He's there to help out and support when he can...but ultimately it's me.  Me.  I think often during my 6 months of pure solo parenting that I am thankful I'm not a single mom/dad.  Those parents are not given enough kudos.  I am a single parent much of the year but it's different.  I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food on the table, health and dental insurance, and the list goes on...purely by the support of my husband.  There is a laundry list that I do solo....but also a whole lot of other things I don't have to worry about.  And I have a husband that thanks me, loves me, and respects me.  Those single parents out there don't have that.  And so while I do think about sometimes while life is seeming to be in overload at that moment how much I'm doing solo, I do remember that I'm not alone.  I am sure that given the opportunity to run home and help me out Zack would do that.  But it's the nature of deployments...things break, kids get sick, and more disasters happen than any other time!  I do think about that one day just like every other mother my children realize the work and joy that was put into their lives...and especially for us that the sacrifices that they make are shadowed by all that they are given and are able to experience.

Our lives are also different while Zack is gone.  I'd kinda relate it to being in vacation mode while Zack is gone.  It's a reset time for me as a mother...to venture back to the core of what I want to be as a mother...to center us back on track.  Noah picks what we have for supper most nights...pancakes and waffles make many appearances.  We get our work done in the morning...the daily chores for that day and then it's play time.  We spend a lot of time at the many parks on base or going on little train trips.  We can keep our own time.  I will admit that I am so a more relaxed person while Zack is gone.  Things around the house are done my way, everything is where I put it, and I'm in control.  I've been working on the past few years to not be so uptight while Zack is home...let go of some of that control.  I'm better but there is still room for improvement.  My duties as a mother aren't really any more while Zack is away but it is more lonely.  It is much easier to go through a rough day with three little ones knowing that eventually that evening Zack will be home to relax with after the kids have gone to bed.

And so now I leave you to finish my snack, read a bit, and go to bed....because deployments also give me a time to center myself.  It's me and my thoughts...working, thinking, and reflecting.

Are you ready for #4, yet?

"Are you ready for #4, yet?"

I don't mind the question...It's been asked quite a few times.  Even Zack and I tease each other with that phrase.  All three kids are melting down at the same time.  I looked over and Zack and we make eye contact and I say, "Babe, Are you ready for #4?!"  And usually I get sarcasm back in return!  And so here is the truth of the matter...as seen from my eyes.

It was a big NO because of the bedtime craziness.  No way would I think about adding another little one to put to sleep at night when I couldn't get the three we have to sleep without it being a major knock out drag out.  That issue has been addressed and hopefully taken care of!

And it is a No, not yet, because of my baby, Abel.  I was attached and in love with all of my babies.  They were my babies...mine.  But with Abel it is different.  He is my third...and only God knows how many babies we will be blessed with.  And him being the third...means that I know that the baby phase doesn't last forever.  And so I am ubber attached.  I am beyond attached...almost to a unhealthy level!  We began co sleeping when he was a newborn...from the beginning.  It was something that I had done with Noah and Caraline...but it was later on in their life and not all night.  But I started immediately with Abel because it was physically painful to be apart from him.  I needed him like air.  I needed to feel his little body...smell his head...snuggle him up against me.  He is almost 7mths now and he is just now starting out the night in his crib.  Something I just felt like starting up one day...but I also know that he'll be back in my room soon with my parents using that room during their visit.  It was safe for me to start that knowing that it wasn't going to last forever.  It's a trial run!  Just maybe I wonder if this super attachment that was formed at birth helped me not to relive the postpartum depression I had after Caraline's birth.  He is worn a lot...a lot.  It's the nature of being the third and living where we do.  But he doesn't mind.  He loves it!  And even the male cashier at the commissary commented today about how much it looks like he loves being in the carrier.  And so he is worn...snuggled up with me...given a zillion and one kisses on his head!  He is also held a lot.  I could hold him all day long.  Abel hasn't been held a lot either by my friends here.  They do on occasion when I need an extra hand or they ask to give him a squish.  But I think they know that I'm quite attached!  He has a whole lot of personality in his little body.  I see him being charismatic...he has a whole lot of personality and charm already.  And he smiles and laughs all the time.  And I mean all the time.  And so I can't help but to sit and hold him while making him giggle or laugh along with him as he gives me a gummy smile.  And Oh...do I love the smell of his neck.  Yes it might be strange...but he smells like a baby.  And it's intoxicating!  Maybe it's because we use natural soap with him and so he smells like he smells.  He has the real baby scent compared to the bottled smell they sell on the shelf!  And I could of course go on and on about how much I love this little guy...but I won't! Or maybe I already have!

When I'm pregnant I feel myself come apart a bit from my youngest child...just a smidge.  They aren't going to be the baby anymore...and I'll have another baby born soon.  And so as they grow out of baby and into toddler there is a bit of a separation from mommy.  No more nursing...sleeping through the night...self feeding...and so on.  And so I am not ready...anywhere close to being ready to make that bit of separation between me and Abel.  I cut his umbilical cord but it doesn't really matter...I am attached and linked with that little baby boy.

The Ending of Bedtime Craziness (Fingers Crossed!)

I'm sitting here an hour after bedtime in a peaceful house.  Actually it was peaceful 30 minutes ago and that hasn't happened in a long time.  I suppose it was since February, when Noah started school.  When he started school our bedtime routine went out the window.  He came home exhausted.  Just having him take a bath...or walk upstairs to his pajamas was a battle.  And so I decided it wasn't worth it.  We'd do baths in the morning.  There that solved that problem.  But it created another problem...neither Noah or Caraline would wind down enough to go to sleep.  They both have had baths before bed since birth and I took away the major cue that said, "Bedtime ahead!"  And chaos was left in his place.

I follow quite a few natural, attachment parenting, and baby wearing mommas on Facebook.  And a few weeks ago one of them posted a little post about how the way we discipline as a parent is rooted in the way we are as a person.  And trust me it was more eloquently put than that...but that's the gist!  And I thought about my disciple struggles with Noah since he started school.  I can totally empathize with him.  It is hard to be good at school...and he's golden good at school.  He's learning, and growing, and his thinking is expanding.  He is working hard.  And I know it.  And I remember going through the same thing as a child when I started first grade.  However, it doesn't give him an excuse for his poor behavior.  And I realized that honestly most of our issues come down to power struggles...struggles that I can't loose.  I have to win.  I have to win at all costs.  And I've been like that since a child...(yes, my poor mother!).  I have to win the argument...I have to have the last word.  And Noah thinks he does too.  So imagine this power struggle between mother and son.  And I also knew that most of his outburst were because he was either scared or frustrated.  And so the scared is treated with a hug and questions...and the frustration...well I'm trying to not add to that problem!

And so bedtime.  It was a huge power struggle.  I needed Noah and Caraline to go to sleep...so then I could put an already fussing Abel to sleep.  Except Noah and Caraline wouldn't go to sleep.  They screamed, yelled, bounced, jumped, and all sorts of other things.  And then Abel was screaming for his bedtime.  And it was absolutely pure craziness...I was frazzled...the kids were out of control...and it resulted in a lot of screaming, yelling, tears, and pleas!  And so Zack and I decided to extend bedtime an hour.  It was a painful decision! :)  Seriously rough thinking about having that extra hour...but it wasn't an extra hour.  It was an hour less that I had to run around each evening just trying to get everyone to be quiet and go to sleep.  And so the extra hour worked a bit...but we had some residual issues going on.  I was going into their room way too many times...acknowledging their craziness.  I knew it...but I didn't have much of a choice.  And so we still had some struggles.  And so with some help of some Facebook friends...tonight we went to bed in peace.  All three kids asleep peacefully in their beds within 30 minutes...when just days before it was 2 hours later.  I revamped the last 30 minutes of waking time.  15 minutes is spent playing a "night time game"...Noah's words!  And so tonight it was Operation.  Then it was lavender essential oil behind their ears.  And lastly it was being brushed.  For those not aware this is using a fingernail/hand sponge/bristle brushed used by medical professionals before surgery.  For those mommas out there, they use the brush for baby's first bath.  I've rinsed out the sterilization soap very thoroughly.  The kids lay down with their head on a pillow...and I brush their backs and limbs.  It's very soothing and centering for my babes.  And then it was off to bed.  Ahh!  Peaceful bedtime!

Momma Lessons from Caraline

Caraline has taught me a lot about being a mother.  She's changed me as a mother.  Firstly, she's taught me about being a mother to a daughter.  It was a whole new world after raising son!  She clops around the house in her plastic high heels wearing a dress along with a tutu...play jewelry around her neck and wrists...all while toting around "Baby" and her baby's things.  And then I turn around and she's outside getting wet and dirty...and when she's done she takes off her high heels and hands me her shoes and tutu telling me her princess clothes are dirty and need washed.  She's my kind of girl...a princess that doesn't mind to get dirty! 

She is stubborn.  We've recently had a meeting of the minds that has left her knowing that just maybe there is another way other than her way.  And I think sometimes I mistake her independence for stubbornness.  And so she is both.  Up until the last few months she wasn't in need for reassurances.  I'm not sure why the change...maybe Abel's birth but now she needs and seeks out those hugs and kisses throughout the day.  She is also sensitive.  She has sensitive feelings...she is a lady with delicate feelings.  Poor Zackary is learning this along the way too!  He's learning that it isn't necessarily what he says but the way he says it...and sometimes it is what he says!  A harsh tone and she's in tears crying.  But she is also sensitive to the feelings of others around her...she has the power to know what to do or say to calm Noah...and the power to push him over the edge and stand nearby to watch how he melts down!  That's Caraline!  And maybe with those feelings she is able to see in others...she sees that sometimes her momma needs those hugs and kisses too throughout the day.  Not many things calm and center me like her little arms around my neck...and she likes to rub my back with one hand while she's hanging on tight.

I've mentioned the meeting of the minds above...let me explain.  Caraline has recently gone into a picky eating stage.  She's in the full throws of that toddler picky stage.  Thankfully she still loves those food pouches!  Our little delicate lady can't really afford not to eat!  So Caraline won't eat much at supper time.  Then before bedtime I call last call for snacks.  She eats a snack and off to bed.  Except she doesn't go to sleep right away.  She still needs and enjoys naps...3 hour naps!  And I don't mind at all because I need naps too.  But with those naps it means that she isn't ready to go to sleep when it's bedtime.  And so she plays.  About two hours after they've been taken upstairs she cries about being hungry.  And so then she is taken downstairs to eat her actual supper.  I refuse to make her go to sleep while she is hungry.  The idea that if she would just eat at supper time then she wouldn't be hungry is not lost on me.  Zack and I were aggravated with this behavior.  Seriously...Caraline just eat your supper!  After a long day of taking care of the kids I need that downtime in the evening.  But my thinking has changed...and therefore so has Zack's.  She needs the 20 minutes of time sitting next to me on the couch each evening after her siblings have fallen asleep.  She quietly sits and eats her supper sitting nearly on top of me on the couch.  A few reminders along the way to actually eat instead of watching TV...and then it's teeth brushing (again) and she's carried back upstairs.  She asks to peak up at Noah on the top bunk...and then she's put in her bed.  And she usually is asleep within a few minutes.  One night last week I was really frustrated with her behavior and she knew it.  She put her arms around my neck and said, "Momma, I love you."  I melted and felt so sad and sorry for getting irritated with her.  I suddenly realized that she needs this time.  For whatever reason she enjoys taking 3 hour naps...to go to sleep 2 hours after Noah....she likes to eat her supper 3 hours after Noah and right before falling asleep.  And eat that supper while sitting on the couch next to her momma.  I don't understand and won't pretend to understand what goes on with that little lady.  And so for now I will keep reminding myself that this is what she needs and enjoy sitting with her each evening while she eats her supper.

Baby Food, Swim Lessons, and Orders

A couple of big events have happened this past week or so in the Gogel household!

Abel had his first taste of food and well...he likes it!  I'm not quite so sure the word like conveys actually how much this kid likes it!  He's had banana, avocado, and carrots so far.  I have apples and mangos in the freezer as well waiting for him.  He is already grabbing the spoon and shoving it into his own mouth!  He's wanted food for the past three months or so but I wanted to wait until he was 6 months old.  I also skipped the rice cereal for him as well.  This was a choice I made and well researched!  So far I am making his baby food.  I enjoy it and he seems to like it!  Its a win for both of us!  And well a win for the budget as well! 

Noah started swim lessons.  Zack and I will be honest when we say that we can "maybe" swim to save our lives.  Maybe!  Swimming is obviously a necessary skill.  Getting into swim lessons here is winning the lottery...seriously!  So we ended up just paying for private lessons.  And I think it is probably best for him anyway.  His teacher is, Emi, a very nice Japanese woman.  And Noah already loves her!  Most of his teachers at school are Japanese women so I figured I'd be safe and picking a Japanese woman for his swim instructor.  He didn't want to go but the day of the lesson he said that he wanted to go learn.  So we went and he learned a lot...very basic...but he had fun!

Orders...We did get selected.  And no we aren't ready to share what the Navy has in store for us just yet.  It will take a few months for the hard copy of the orders to come in...meaning that this it and with very likely certainty it won't change.  Once we have our hard copy we will share where our family will be moving...so stay tuned.

That Time We Went to the Dentist

With Zack home on Monday I was able to complete some tasks that had been hanging over my head...figure out some swim lessons for Noah, call again about Baptism for Abel, and dentist appointment for Noah and Caraline.  There is one pediatric dentists for thousands of kids on base.  You can opt to go to the regular dentist with a much shorter wait list but Noah and Caraline do not behave well enough for that!  So I called and got them on the waitlist.  They had appointments in January...so hopefully by June-July the will be in.  Just in time for the six month mark.  I called and their info was looked up and I was told..."Your kids are on the 3mth visit rotation.  They are due in April.  I'll put you on the waitlist and let you know."  Hmm...that 3 month rotation for "high-risk".  Let me tell you the story about how that came to be!

No kid likes to go to the dentist.  Noah didn't want to go so I take us all there plus one of their friends.  It will be Caraline's first visit.  I have high hopes...they are all behaving and no meltdowns.  Our names are called and we are put in the x-ray room.  They are wanting x-rays of Noah's teeth.  Great...just great.  Noah sits down and they try.  He freaks.  I try to talk him into it and I fail miserably.  Then I bribe him with the gummy snacks I have in the bag and I fail again.  The second and third classes in the room are looking at me.  And I think, "What do you want me to do?  He's three years old!"  And so finally they just tell me they'll try next time.  Noah is up in arms and seriously thinking about making a break for it.  We get out of the room and are taken to the room where they do the cleaning.  There is kid sized chair pointed towards a TV playing a movie.  Last time Noah hoped right into the chair and all was well.  Well not this go around!  He refuses to sit in the chair.  They have this little cushion that is supported between my legs and the dentist's legs.  I have Noah on my lap facing me and I lean him back onto the cushion.  Noah is screaming.  Caraline and their friend are outside of the room with a handful of third and airman...since the dentist insisted upon closing the door.  Abel was handed off to a female as she was itching to hold him...and it was unsafe for him to be strapped to me while Noah was coming unhinged. The dentist asks a few standard questions.  Yes, we brush his teeth twice a day.  No, he doesn't like milk.  No, he doesn't use a sippy cup just a stainless steel canteen bottle.  And then it begins.  I'm told about how horrible it is for their teeth to be drinking all day long.  What does he drink?  One cup of juice a day, lemonade or water...or watered down lemonade.  *Pursed lips...well it isn't necessarily any better for it to be watered down.  The sugar is still in there.  By this time I have a half-smile on my face and I'm thinking will you just clean his darn teeth already.  And so I tell her...No, he doesn't drink on it all day long. Noah by this time is also thinking will you just get this done and over with.  I reassure him and again mention the bribe.  Mistake.  I then get asked a zillion and one questions about gummy snacks.  No, he doesn't eat them all the time.  This is the first time I've bought them in 2 months.  And it was specifically for this purpose....for this behavior right now.  And no she doesn't have children.  His teeth are cleaned, counted, and cataloged.  He screams the entire time and bites at her finger a few times.  He his thankfully done and now it's Caraline's turn.  Noah refuses to leave the room and Caraline is brought in.  It's a small room...super small room.  Noah sits next to my feet.  And so Caraline is leaned back.  Her first questions was about sucking her thumb or a pacifier.  Yes, she has a pacifier.  And no she isn't ready to give it up yet.  Caraline is screaming...and biting her.  Secretly, I think she's got the right idea and I don't say a word.  She gets done and Caraline is leaned up.  Two of the kids are with me in the cramped room along with two other adults.  The door is shut.  The dentist is sitting between me and the door.  The other two kids are sitting outside the room with a group of people oohing and ahhing over them.  And it begins again.  You need to get rid of the pacifier.  Yes, I know.  She isn't ready.  We tried and she just sucked her thumb.  And then again...well, it is easier now to get rid of the pacifier than to pay for the extensive dental work that her mouth will require because of that pacifier.  Me...Yes, I know.  She isn't ready.  What's better the bink or the thumb?  Her...well research shows they are about equal.  Me...so yes. She isn't ready.  And yes I know about the time and money for dental work.  I sucked my thumb as a child and went through years of dental work.  So I know already how it is going to go.  And I'm thinking okay...let me the hell out of here.  I try to stand up and reach for the door knob...and she touches my hand until I drop it and it begins again.  I realize I'm not her parent and sometime parents just do what's easy for now.  I'm just the dentist you go home and do whatever you want.  Me...fake smile slowly fading...and trying not to loose it!  But instead I say...I understand.  She isn't ready.  When she is then we will take it away....and I zone her out.  Noah is still upset...Caraline has slowed down to slow sobs...and this darn dentist will not let me out of the room.  She has taken me hostage...I'm being held against my will!  And then the dentist gives me the zinger....well, from everything I've seen here (looking up at me) your kids qualify for high risk of cavities and I need to see them every three months.  Me...well I'm pretty darn livid by now.  I see my escape and I round up the four kids and I'm out of there!  We're out of there as quick as possible...well it seemed as quick as possible but one woman with 4 kids ranging from nearly 4 to 4 months it admittedly wasn't all that fast!  High risk because my kids don't like milk.  I bribed them with gummy snacks to not bite her finger off (She should be thankful!) and she didn't believe me that it was the first time they have had gummy snacks in months!  She refused to listen to the fact that they eat vegetables, fruits, green smoothies, etc. all day long.  And she didn't listen to anything I said about their drinking habits either.  And she wouldn't take no for no when I said Caraline wasn't ready.  She was 3 months over 2 years.  She has a new baby in her family and her Dad just returned from deployment less than a month ago.  Let her alone!  And while your at it...me too!  Oh, I was so mad! 

And my friends still bring it up every now and then just to watch me get irate in 1.0 seconds!  And so when I called and got the slightly judgy tone from whoever answered the phone about them being on the 3 month rotation and being late for that visit...I was reminded just how mad I was!  And so now I wait until their names come up on the list.  And should that dentist say anything about them being late for their three month visit...it will not bode well for her.  She will get a rehearsed speech about how she misjudged us and me as a mother. And I will not be held hostage in that room ever again.  I will smile and tell her that if she's finished with their teeth then I'm finished with this visit.  And we will leave.  The end...take that Mrs. Dentist!

Parenting

It isn't easy parenting.  It's a series of choices made each day, hour, minute that impact the future of your precious babes.   It also isn't easy to decide how you want to parent...what your style is going to be...the core framework of what your choices are based upon.  But it is easier to watch others and decide what you won't do.  And of course some of those..."I'm never going to...." go right out the window once you have a child or once your in that particular position.

So here is my particular framework:
I am a mixture "natural, attachment, Montessori, and whatever else" parent.  I value my kids eating organic, fresh, and healthy foods.  I value them not being exposed to unnecessary medicine, chemicals, toxins, etc.  Homemade is best most of the time.  I value them feeling safe, secure, and loved.  I value their emotions and opinions. They do matter.  They are young little people and deserve to be treated with respect and understanding.  My babes having empathy for others is super important.  Children are naturally self centered...but if I teach them nothing but having empathy that would be okay with me (not ideal but okay!).  I value their independence.  Go forth and be happy...be independent.  I will be here for you...I will come when called...I will love you always...and I will take care of you...but I am not in charge of making you happy.  Happiness and being content comes from within.  Be independent make your way...make mistakes...learn from them...and grow.  But always know that when you need me I will be there...every single time.  And Zack he follows my lead and has his own individual style.  Things that fly with mom don't always with dad...and visa versa.  They have tons of fun playing (creating super large messes) with dad in charge.  But that's his style.  But it all works for us!

Independence...I highly value it.  The kids growing up here they've had the opportunity to be very independent in a pretty safe environment...on and off base.  I'm working with Caraline on paying attention to her surroundings...how to cross the street safely, etc.  But Noah he knows.  I can trust him to go outside our fenced in yard and stay near the house or walk from the car across the grass and find his way to the park. They can run ahead of me and check it out.  And they will stop running or walking when told to stop.  But in dangerous circumstances I of course reach for their hands and Noah isn't allowed to cross the street without one of us.  Although according to him I get a "Mom, I'm big.  I know how to cross the street.  I look both ways...see I know how! I can do it myself!"    Zack is naturally more cautious than I am.  And I think some of it is because he spends less time with the kids and isn't quite sure what they can and can't do alone.  They surprise him every now and then!  Given the opportunity kids can do so much.  Grab themselves a snack, pour themselves a drink, clean up after themselves, clean the house...and the list goes on.  Noah and Caraline are proud and I can see their happiness at accomplishing something all by themselves.  It's important for them to be independent.  Why should we do things for the kids that they can do for themselves...things that they get a sense of pride at accomplishing for themselves.  And plus it's a bonus for us when they can do those tasks themselves!

Easter Weekend

Saturday:

It was Zack's duty day so he rose in the morning and was out the door walking to work.  I enjoy our simpler life here.  Zack -walking to or from work...or the call for a pick up each evening is so nice!  I woke Abel from his nap and we headed down to the baseball fields for the annual base Easter egg hunt.  We've done it each year we've been here and the kid(s) always enjoy it.  We were able to nab parking fairly close to the field and we hustled over.  They separate it according to age 0-2, 3-4,5-6, etc.  I had Caraline do the hunt in Noah's age group just to make my life easier as they were on two different fields.  There were TONS of kids and even more eggs!  Each kid had a basket full!  Then we headed to the commissary for some supplies...home for lunch...and then back to the festivities again.  Twice a year (maybe more?)  the base holds a petting zoo.  This time it was mice, rabbits, goats, sheep, and super chill dogs.  Noah likes animals...as in I don't want to hold anything but I'll touch it and look!  Caraline LOVES animals.  She even petted some sea slugs the other day at the beach!  She moved around petting and talking to all of the animals.  It worked out for me that when it was time to go it was the end of the petting zoo and they forced everyone out....tantrum avoided.  Then we came home for nap/quiet time.  I've been meaning to take the kids to Sbarros for a special supper treat...so we did that too this evening.  Noah is at the point now that he can behave himself for the most part in a restaurant.  Caraline on the other hand...well...hmm...not so much!  She can't sit still...she has things she "needs" to check out...there are people to smile and wave at...!  But she did well tonight as there was tons of space for her to get down and walk around.  Then it was home for bedtime...ahh bedtime after a long day!

Sunday:

The kids woke up and found their baskets downstairs.  I should make a point here that both Noah and Caraline had seen the gifts/baskets for Caraline and Abel.  They were in the nursery room...I had meant to keep the door shut!  I wouldn't go as far to say that I'm terrible about these secret holiday traditions...but Zack might!  Seriously, I can't keep it together!  Noah had asked where his basket was (thankfully he didn't look in the closet!) and I quickly told him that the Easter Bunny wasn't done delivering yet.  And he bought it...yay!  Zack came home a few hours later and the eggs magically appeared in the yard.  Last year, Caraline would only pick up the pink or purple eggs.  This year she at least wanted to pick up all the eggs!  She would sit down her basket and then run around picking up one egg at a time and running back to her basket.  Noah on the other hand had it down...running around throwing them into his basket as fast as he could!  The kids played and in the afternoon we drove to one of the other housing areas, Ikego, for a magic show.  The show was on main base on Saturday but with Zack on duty we decided just to drive up to Ikego to see it.  Both kids were amazed!  Caraline was clapping and yelling, Yay!  Noah sat with his eyes wide open just soaking it in!  Then it was home for supper and bedtime.

Monday:

I woke up to learn that one of our family friends, Catherine Brown, had passed away Easter morning in the U.S.  She had been in the nursing home for almost exactly a year to which her health had continued to decline.  She will be missed but she was ready to go home...and passing away on the glorious day of Easter Sunday was fitting for, Nana.  Zack had today off, which was nice since he had duty on Saturday.  It was a rainy day.  Noah, Abel, and I always are "off " on rainy days.  Abel just wants to sleep off and on all day long...and I would like to!  Noah on the other hand usually runs a fever or is sick on rainy days.  And if he isn't sick then it was days like today where he was moody and just "off"!  He had been up for around two hours and had a handful of crying dramatic emotional outbursts.  I decided it would be a nice time to make some homemade Play-Doh.  So the kids ran and got their respective step stools to see into the mixer.  We tripled the recipe and it was just the right amount for the two of them.  And I decided to throw in some drops of essential oils to help calm the household down and hopefully help Noah get back on track.  And plus it made the house smell great.  I made it plain and then snuck into the laundry room to add a touch of tempera paint in a dug out hole of each of the eight balls.  Then I covered up the hole and the kids had to work each ball around in their hands to discover the color.  Worked great and did have a calming way on Noah.  The rest of the day was regular routine with errands, lunch, quiet time, school time, nap, supper, and bedtime...and a handful of more outbursts from Noah.  Hoping for sunshine tomorrow...sheesh!

Adding Baby #3

Since Abel was born I get asked at least once a week about how it is to be a mommy of three.  Actually it was three times this week!  So before I share my thoughts on having three kids I must first share how it was having two children.  This is the raw honest truth of it.

Two Children
At the beginning, I struggled.  I struggled the first 6 months.  Caraline wasn't an "easy baby"...although I dislike that term.  I must come up with something different by the time she starts asking me about herself as a baby!  Along with being full of love, quick to give love out, and seriously super cute....she was independent, stubborn, and not easy to "learn".  The first six months of her life...what worked one day to make her happy only made her super mad the next day.  It was a good day if before bedtime I had figured out series of "things" I needed to do to make her happy.  I wasn't mentally prepared...no one had warned me about this!  I also had guilt.  Guilt for Noah because I couldn't do the things I would have done before because my attention was split.  I had guilt for Caraline because I didn't super enjoy my life during that time.  Guilt because I felt like I missed out on her...enjoying her as a baby.  And to be honest I still carry around some of that guilt.  Noah had hit the terrible two's in full force.  I couldn't leave the two of them alone together for even a second.  Zack was in a particular rough spot at work.  And it all added up to no bueno.  But one day it was different.  She woke up and was happy and content.  She was easy to sooth and read what she wanted.  Her and Noah played and occupied themselves...or played together.  And I don't think I realized how much energy juggling them took out of me until I didn't have to do it anymore.  And it was amazing!  I was able to enjoy the both of them...together or apart.  And I didn't feel as guilty anymore.  We had fun days!  I had realized somewhere along the way that I was raising the kids the way that I had seen...or the way that I thought they "should" be.  Not the way that I wanted to do...or what worked for me...or what worked for the kids.  And yes I use the I here because it really is me doing the parenting.

Three Children
I honestly wasn't scared.  We wanted more than two children...so the logically step was three! :)  I knew Caraline would be okay with a new baby...especially a baby boy.  She might not have been okay so much with a girl!  Noah was old enough to understand that the baby had needs too that had to be met.  And he was and still is a wonderful help.  Noah and Caraline have been raised to be independent.  They help themselves...they clean up after they make a mess...they help with chores around the house.  They have been raised with a large family in mind.  Abel is happy and content.  He is easy to please and loves to be independent himself.  He will lay on the floor and play...watch his siblings or hang out with mom while I do chores.  But the wonderful thing I realized when he was a couple weeks old...he has siblings too!  So when I'm busy doing something and Abel wants company...Noah and Caraline can fill that need too.  They all LOVE to sit on the couch together...and mess of limbs all piled together.  Mentally for me it was an easy transition.   What I do for Noah I just duplicate for Caraline.  Abel is the only one in diapers and the only one that doesn't sleep through the night so that part is pretty easy.  I will say though that it gets chaotic at times.  With two children you can alternate taking care of their needs.  You first and then the other.  But with three it's Abel, then Noah...then Caraline...then maybe Noah again...then Abel...then Caraline...you get the point!  Caraline isn't quite at the point where she understands that her needs will be met but just not right at this second.  The only thing she does understand that when baby is hungry that it is priority number one.  Noah though understands that he just might have to wait a few minutes but what he's asking of me will happen.  Or he's given permission to open up the pantry and help himself or Caraline to a snack.  And when we're out and about...things can get out of control quickly...three of them...two of us...or even just me!  I've coined the term mutiny.  Yes, with three children it is pretty easy for them to arrange a mutiny!  The work never is done.  There is always something that you should be doing or should have done.  Or the one I dislike is the one where you need to do "something" but you just haven't had the time or mental space to take care of it.  And the patience.  I seem to run through it faster!  Every mom could use more patience...work on becoming more patient.  And on days when I feel like I'm constantly intervening or tending to one of them I'm totally empty at bedtime.  It helps to get in a nap during the day.  It helps keep the patience going strong until bedtime.  Over all though it's been a pretty easy transition for me.  I enjoy the three of them so much!  From what I can piece together is that if you struggled with adding the second the third won't be a problem.  However, if you had no issues adding a second child then you might struggle with the third.  But really it all depends...so many variables!

Finances
Well obviously adding a third child takes up some resources in the budget.  I am a budget Nazi.  We live by our budget...we stick to it.  We've been able to reuse much of what we already had, which saves us tons of money.  Most of their clothes I buy gently used.  They each get a few nice shirts for "good"...but other than that it's used or clothing donated to us by friends.  I do a lot of homemade which saves us tons as well.  We do cloth napkins, paper towels, diapers, and wipes.  And there is a difference between the "needs" and the "wants".  Adding another child has made me super aware of that note in the baby "stuff" category.  I purged a ton of baby items.  You might be like me and find a lot of it unnecessary and you can sell it for some extra cash!  All of these savings in different areas then frees up some money.  Birthdays, Christmas, Easter...we spend more...for one more child.  We start saving for Christmas the very next paycheck after the holidays.  Your income is your income but how you spend that money is what makes the difference.  But I think it also makes us more aware...the money has to have the same impact in our lives but be stretched just a bit farther.  While living here we are given extra money to make up for the cost of living outside of the U.S. economy.  So when we go back to the U.S. we will have to be even more aware because our income will be less.

I hope that answers the question on how it is to add the third child.  I don't mind questions...love them.  My motto is that I will always give out advice...when asked only!  And I will tell the honest truth.

Picking Orders

We've told our parents our Shore Duty picks this month so I thought I'd share on here as well...even though I posted a few days ago that we had started the process but I didn't give any details.  First some background knowledge.  Each set of orders available needs to be filled that month.  Therefore what is on the list this month will not be on the list the next month...nor was it on the list the month before.  You get three looks at orders before the Navy picks...although they might just go ahead and pick for you anyway!  You get five picks and you rank them in order of your most to least desirable pick.  We may not get picked for any of these orders at all...and then we would re-pick next month.  However, each time you have to re-pick the probability of the Navy picking for you increases. 

Okay...so here it is!
1. Sigonella, Italy..In Sicily
2. Iwakuni, Japan (Marine Base)
3. Pensacola, FL
4. Miramar, CA in San Diego (Marine Base)
5. Fallon, NV

Getting Italy is very very unlikely...not many spots and tons of people pick it!  We have a few strikes against us for the overseas orders.  One being that we have one too many dependents.  We would have to get a waiver.  Now if it was Yokosuka or the G.W. it wouldn't be a problem.  They need to fill the spots here...do they need to fill the spots as quickly there?  We don't know...nor do we know if someone else that picked those orders is more desirable than us because they don't have more than 2 children.  I should note that the limit on two children simply is because of the availability of homes big enough to accommodate a larger family.  Also in between back to back overseas duties the Navy will pay for you and your family to fly back to your home of record.  So therefore should we get either one of our top two picks the Navy would have to pay to fly the five us back to Indiana.  And in a tight budget time that would be strike for us.  On the positive it would cost the Navy less money to move us to Italy or to Iwakuni, Japan compared to a family living in the U.S.

I hope that I explained all of that clear enough!  So I'll add like I did in the other posts.  If you feel inclined please lift up a prayer for us that we end up where we need to be!

Facebook Mommy Wars

I recently came across an article on my Facebook newsfeed.  I'm not even sure which one of my "liked" pages had posted the article but the title caught my attention and so I clicked.  The intro to the article was about what how social media influenced the author as a mother.  She was spending too much time at the park on her iPhone instead of playing with her children.  She was cruising Facebook off and on all day instead of really listening and paying attention to her children.  It was also a plea for other mothers and fathers to leave the social media and be with your children.  A good article with a good message...I made a mental note to myself.  However, it wasn't what I had hoped the article would be about.

I had hoped the article would be about how social media has made many of us prideful.  Yup...I said it prideful.  The status prompt back way when used to just say, "Julie Gogel is....".  But now it reads, "What's on your mind?"  And while the prompt opens up new possibilities of statuses without them reading slightly goofy it also opens up a new avenue.  Your posts can be about anything...anything at all.  You can post whatever you want.  You can upload pictures or videos of pretty much anything you want. 

The purpose of having Facebook for me is to stay in touch with family and friends.  That's it.  So I post my thoughts that are relative to my family to share with those that want to keep updated on us.  But so much of my news feed is about people bragging.  Some can't do anything or buy anything without making a post or uploading a picture.  Look at my new.....  See this awesome craft I did with my kids....I'm such a great mom because....  Look at the pictures from my kids' party....can you see how much time and money I spent on it...  (Can you tell most of my "friends" are mothers!)  But seriously...Facebook only seems to add to those so called "Mommy Wars".  It's not enough to fight about breast or formula feeding, sleeping arrangements of mom, dad, and baby, the introduction of solids, stroller or baby wearing, etc.  Now we all have to compete about parties, crafts, our homes, what we made for supper, etc.  You get the point.  Now I will allow that some people just want to share....Check out this meal I made.  It was healthy and easy so here have the link to the recipe.  But there is line between just sharing a moment and posting it with the intent of bragging.  When you can't make a craft with your kids and not upload a picture of it to share with everyone how great it was...as a reflection of you as a mother.  You are in trouble.  When you need those likes and comments to feel satisfaction or vindication then you are in also...in trouble.  When you can't buy something new or redecorate without uploading a picture or video then you guessed it...in trouble!  We live our lives for ourselves...not others.  You don't make a craft with your kids just to post it on Facebook (OH, how I hope so!) you make it to have fun with your children...to teach them... to laugh with them.  You don't make supper for your family just to plate it beautifully to post it to Facebook.  You make a wonderful supper for your family to enjoy together....so enjoy it and put away the social media.  My supper is prepped and ready to put together after I lay down for a nap...should Abel and Caraline allow it.  I can look over at our "craft wall" in the dining room and see our Easter and Spring crafts we've done so far but I won't be posting about it.  :)

Next Adventure

Noah is off at preschool.  Caraline and Abel are napping.  And I have time to hopefully write a little post. 

On Friday, it was our time to look at orders.  Zack and I sent emails back and forth and we picked our top 5 options.  From Europe to Asia, East Coast to West Coast, and even in between is where we might end up!  We're excited and slightly anxious as the date of leaving approaches at the beginning of next year.  We don't know if we will get one of our picks and we'll find out in another month or so.  We shall see!  It seems though that as soon as we picked it really got us thinking about our next step.  It added some clarity to what we want for our next adventure or what we really don't want!  We will be sad to leave Yokosuka but it will be time for us to move on.  We are settled, which tells our military family that it's almost time to leave!  I'm trying not to think about the zillion and one steps between now and arriving at our next duty station.  I'm trying to avoid the mental breakdown and anxiety attack...one step at a time Julie!  It will be shore duty for our family something that we haven't experienced yet.  So it is comforting knowing that Zack will be with us.  I won't be on my own like I am here.  Thank goodness for great friends!  I believe that each place we end up is because we need to be there.  I also believe that we also end up where we do because the people we come across need us too.  So I've been saying some prayers that God will place us where we need to be for our family and for those people that we will meet along the way.  So if you feel so inclined, lift up a prayer for us!

Explanation

I haven't posted in a long long time.  We hit a normalcy...where our life here was getting easy and there wasn't much "exciting" going on.  We did train trips and we did fun things but I lost the need to post about it.  And honestly I lost the time to actually make the post.  And I had meant to start back up again and life got in the way.  We...I hit a rough patch and refused to make a post when I couldn't/wouldn't be honest with my life.  And that's one of the things I do enjoy about living away from family/friends.  I enjoy having my life be mine.  I like that people back home only know what we tell them.  So we are free to live our life with some anonymity.  And the blog stopped as well because I was going through a transformation...personally.  I outgrew some friends and got new ones.  I was a young adult with two children and now I'm an adult with three children.  I've learned what I value and what I do not.  I know my parenting style and know what I don't agree with.  I've found me.  I remember the feeling of being a freshman in high school and looking at the seniors thinking..."Geez, they look like they have it all together.  They know what they are doing!".  And I felt the same as a freshman in college...and secretly deep down I felt the same way as a young mother looking at other mothers.  However, if you would have told me that I would have probably narrowed my eyebrows at you and ran home to tell Zack what so-and-so said to me!  So thank you none of you for telling me that!  I would have told him..."I'm a mother!  I know what I'm doing!  I can't believe he/she said that to me!".  And now I am confident and secure enough in myself to say...I'm a mother!  And guess what I don't always know what I'm doing!  And that's one of the differences between those "freshman mothers" and those "senior mothers".  I won't pretend that I know!  Parenting everyday is something new.  They are one day older and each day brings different joys and challenges.  But I do know the direction I want our family to go in.  I see the end game and I hope that everyday I make choices as a parent to get us there.

I've recently realized though that I do know some things.  I'm able to offer advice and encouragement.  I am able to tell some mothers that I've been there and you all will survive.  And then offer advice to maybe help them survive with some grace.  But each time I get a message or someone asks me a question I get just a little tickled...reminding me that I do know something about that!

Just today I attending a meeting with a group of moms.  Those that know me...know that going to meetings is not my thing.  It is honestly too hard for me to sit there quietly and filter out the snarky comments that pop into my head.  I'm not a "meeting type".  But today it was a baby wearing group.  And I went to the meeting and didn't have a single snarky comment pop into my head!  Well I should admit that I did at the end when the group went off topic and started talking about introducing solids to their babies...and the rice cereal debate.  And that's how I know that I'm firm in what I believe...because when mothers offer up their opinion not based on any medical fact what so ever I suddenly have to filter out the screaming...NO going through my head.  But I respect their choices as a parent...my style is my own and no one else's.  But the meeting itself was good and I was reminded that I do know something about baby wearing and my preferred carriers.  And even Noah and Caraline did well at the meeting.  They were by far the oldest kids there and behaved pretty well the 90 min.  We shall go again.  But as stated I'm not the "meeting type".  So I believe I will "date" the meetings...we will go one "date" at a time!