Are you ready for #4, yet?

"Are you ready for #4, yet?"

I don't mind the question...It's been asked quite a few times.  Even Zack and I tease each other with that phrase.  All three kids are melting down at the same time.  I looked over and Zack and we make eye contact and I say, "Babe, Are you ready for #4?!"  And usually I get sarcasm back in return!  And so here is the truth of the matter...as seen from my eyes.

It was a big NO because of the bedtime craziness.  No way would I think about adding another little one to put to sleep at night when I couldn't get the three we have to sleep without it being a major knock out drag out.  That issue has been addressed and hopefully taken care of!

And it is a No, not yet, because of my baby, Abel.  I was attached and in love with all of my babies.  They were my babies...mine.  But with Abel it is different.  He is my third...and only God knows how many babies we will be blessed with.  And him being the third...means that I know that the baby phase doesn't last forever.  And so I am ubber attached.  I am beyond attached...almost to a unhealthy level!  We began co sleeping when he was a newborn...from the beginning.  It was something that I had done with Noah and Caraline...but it was later on in their life and not all night.  But I started immediately with Abel because it was physically painful to be apart from him.  I needed him like air.  I needed to feel his little body...smell his head...snuggle him up against me.  He is almost 7mths now and he is just now starting out the night in his crib.  Something I just felt like starting up one day...but I also know that he'll be back in my room soon with my parents using that room during their visit.  It was safe for me to start that knowing that it wasn't going to last forever.  It's a trial run!  Just maybe I wonder if this super attachment that was formed at birth helped me not to relive the postpartum depression I had after Caraline's birth.  He is worn a lot...a lot.  It's the nature of being the third and living where we do.  But he doesn't mind.  He loves it!  And even the male cashier at the commissary commented today about how much it looks like he loves being in the carrier.  And so he is worn...snuggled up with me...given a zillion and one kisses on his head!  He is also held a lot.  I could hold him all day long.  Abel hasn't been held a lot either by my friends here.  They do on occasion when I need an extra hand or they ask to give him a squish.  But I think they know that I'm quite attached!  He has a whole lot of personality in his little body.  I see him being charismatic...he has a whole lot of personality and charm already.  And he smiles and laughs all the time.  And I mean all the time.  And so I can't help but to sit and hold him while making him giggle or laugh along with him as he gives me a gummy smile.  And Oh...do I love the smell of his neck.  Yes it might be strange...but he smells like a baby.  And it's intoxicating!  Maybe it's because we use natural soap with him and so he smells like he smells.  He has the real baby scent compared to the bottled smell they sell on the shelf!  And I could of course go on and on about how much I love this little guy...but I won't! Or maybe I already have!

When I'm pregnant I feel myself come apart a bit from my youngest child...just a smidge.  They aren't going to be the baby anymore...and I'll have another baby born soon.  And so as they grow out of baby and into toddler there is a bit of a separation from mommy.  No more nursing...sleeping through the night...self feeding...and so on.  And so I am not ready...anywhere close to being ready to make that bit of separation between me and Abel.  I cut his umbilical cord but it doesn't really matter...I am attached and linked with that little baby boy.

The Ending of Bedtime Craziness (Fingers Crossed!)

I'm sitting here an hour after bedtime in a peaceful house.  Actually it was peaceful 30 minutes ago and that hasn't happened in a long time.  I suppose it was since February, when Noah started school.  When he started school our bedtime routine went out the window.  He came home exhausted.  Just having him take a bath...or walk upstairs to his pajamas was a battle.  And so I decided it wasn't worth it.  We'd do baths in the morning.  There that solved that problem.  But it created another problem...neither Noah or Caraline would wind down enough to go to sleep.  They both have had baths before bed since birth and I took away the major cue that said, "Bedtime ahead!"  And chaos was left in his place.

I follow quite a few natural, attachment parenting, and baby wearing mommas on Facebook.  And a few weeks ago one of them posted a little post about how the way we discipline as a parent is rooted in the way we are as a person.  And trust me it was more eloquently put than that...but that's the gist!  And I thought about my disciple struggles with Noah since he started school.  I can totally empathize with him.  It is hard to be good at school...and he's golden good at school.  He's learning, and growing, and his thinking is expanding.  He is working hard.  And I know it.  And I remember going through the same thing as a child when I started first grade.  However, it doesn't give him an excuse for his poor behavior.  And I realized that honestly most of our issues come down to power struggles...struggles that I can't loose.  I have to win.  I have to win at all costs.  And I've been like that since a child...(yes, my poor mother!).  I have to win the argument...I have to have the last word.  And Noah thinks he does too.  So imagine this power struggle between mother and son.  And I also knew that most of his outburst were because he was either scared or frustrated.  And so the scared is treated with a hug and questions...and the frustration...well I'm trying to not add to that problem!

And so bedtime.  It was a huge power struggle.  I needed Noah and Caraline to go to sleep...so then I could put an already fussing Abel to sleep.  Except Noah and Caraline wouldn't go to sleep.  They screamed, yelled, bounced, jumped, and all sorts of other things.  And then Abel was screaming for his bedtime.  And it was absolutely pure craziness...I was frazzled...the kids were out of control...and it resulted in a lot of screaming, yelling, tears, and pleas!  And so Zack and I decided to extend bedtime an hour.  It was a painful decision! :)  Seriously rough thinking about having that extra hour...but it wasn't an extra hour.  It was an hour less that I had to run around each evening just trying to get everyone to be quiet and go to sleep.  And so the extra hour worked a bit...but we had some residual issues going on.  I was going into their room way too many times...acknowledging their craziness.  I knew it...but I didn't have much of a choice.  And so we still had some struggles.  And so with some help of some Facebook friends...tonight we went to bed in peace.  All three kids asleep peacefully in their beds within 30 minutes...when just days before it was 2 hours later.  I revamped the last 30 minutes of waking time.  15 minutes is spent playing a "night time game"...Noah's words!  And so tonight it was Operation.  Then it was lavender essential oil behind their ears.  And lastly it was being brushed.  For those not aware this is using a fingernail/hand sponge/bristle brushed used by medical professionals before surgery.  For those mommas out there, they use the brush for baby's first bath.  I've rinsed out the sterilization soap very thoroughly.  The kids lay down with their head on a pillow...and I brush their backs and limbs.  It's very soothing and centering for my babes.  And then it was off to bed.  Ahh!  Peaceful bedtime!