Adding Baby #3

Since Abel was born I get asked at least once a week about how it is to be a mommy of three.  Actually it was three times this week!  So before I share my thoughts on having three kids I must first share how it was having two children.  This is the raw honest truth of it.

Two Children
At the beginning, I struggled.  I struggled the first 6 months.  Caraline wasn't an "easy baby"...although I dislike that term.  I must come up with something different by the time she starts asking me about herself as a baby!  Along with being full of love, quick to give love out, and seriously super cute....she was independent, stubborn, and not easy to "learn".  The first six months of her life...what worked one day to make her happy only made her super mad the next day.  It was a good day if before bedtime I had figured out series of "things" I needed to do to make her happy.  I wasn't mentally prepared...no one had warned me about this!  I also had guilt.  Guilt for Noah because I couldn't do the things I would have done before because my attention was split.  I had guilt for Caraline because I didn't super enjoy my life during that time.  Guilt because I felt like I missed out on her...enjoying her as a baby.  And to be honest I still carry around some of that guilt.  Noah had hit the terrible two's in full force.  I couldn't leave the two of them alone together for even a second.  Zack was in a particular rough spot at work.  And it all added up to no bueno.  But one day it was different.  She woke up and was happy and content.  She was easy to sooth and read what she wanted.  Her and Noah played and occupied themselves...or played together.  And I don't think I realized how much energy juggling them took out of me until I didn't have to do it anymore.  And it was amazing!  I was able to enjoy the both of them...together or apart.  And I didn't feel as guilty anymore.  We had fun days!  I had realized somewhere along the way that I was raising the kids the way that I had seen...or the way that I thought they "should" be.  Not the way that I wanted to do...or what worked for me...or what worked for the kids.  And yes I use the I here because it really is me doing the parenting.

Three Children
I honestly wasn't scared.  We wanted more than two children...so the logically step was three! :)  I knew Caraline would be okay with a new baby...especially a baby boy.  She might not have been okay so much with a girl!  Noah was old enough to understand that the baby had needs too that had to be met.  And he was and still is a wonderful help.  Noah and Caraline have been raised to be independent.  They help themselves...they clean up after they make a mess...they help with chores around the house.  They have been raised with a large family in mind.  Abel is happy and content.  He is easy to please and loves to be independent himself.  He will lay on the floor and play...watch his siblings or hang out with mom while I do chores.  But the wonderful thing I realized when he was a couple weeks old...he has siblings too!  So when I'm busy doing something and Abel wants company...Noah and Caraline can fill that need too.  They all LOVE to sit on the couch together...and mess of limbs all piled together.  Mentally for me it was an easy transition.   What I do for Noah I just duplicate for Caraline.  Abel is the only one in diapers and the only one that doesn't sleep through the night so that part is pretty easy.  I will say though that it gets chaotic at times.  With two children you can alternate taking care of their needs.  You first and then the other.  But with three it's Abel, then Noah...then Caraline...then maybe Noah again...then Abel...then Caraline...you get the point!  Caraline isn't quite at the point where she understands that her needs will be met but just not right at this second.  The only thing she does understand that when baby is hungry that it is priority number one.  Noah though understands that he just might have to wait a few minutes but what he's asking of me will happen.  Or he's given permission to open up the pantry and help himself or Caraline to a snack.  And when we're out and about...things can get out of control quickly...three of them...two of us...or even just me!  I've coined the term mutiny.  Yes, with three children it is pretty easy for them to arrange a mutiny!  The work never is done.  There is always something that you should be doing or should have done.  Or the one I dislike is the one where you need to do "something" but you just haven't had the time or mental space to take care of it.  And the patience.  I seem to run through it faster!  Every mom could use more patience...work on becoming more patient.  And on days when I feel like I'm constantly intervening or tending to one of them I'm totally empty at bedtime.  It helps to get in a nap during the day.  It helps keep the patience going strong until bedtime.  Over all though it's been a pretty easy transition for me.  I enjoy the three of them so much!  From what I can piece together is that if you struggled with adding the second the third won't be a problem.  However, if you had no issues adding a second child then you might struggle with the third.  But really it all depends...so many variables!

Finances
Well obviously adding a third child takes up some resources in the budget.  I am a budget Nazi.  We live by our budget...we stick to it.  We've been able to reuse much of what we already had, which saves us tons of money.  Most of their clothes I buy gently used.  They each get a few nice shirts for "good"...but other than that it's used or clothing donated to us by friends.  I do a lot of homemade which saves us tons as well.  We do cloth napkins, paper towels, diapers, and wipes.  And there is a difference between the "needs" and the "wants".  Adding another child has made me super aware of that note in the baby "stuff" category.  I purged a ton of baby items.  You might be like me and find a lot of it unnecessary and you can sell it for some extra cash!  All of these savings in different areas then frees up some money.  Birthdays, Christmas, Easter...we spend more...for one more child.  We start saving for Christmas the very next paycheck after the holidays.  Your income is your income but how you spend that money is what makes the difference.  But I think it also makes us more aware...the money has to have the same impact in our lives but be stretched just a bit farther.  While living here we are given extra money to make up for the cost of living outside of the U.S. economy.  So when we go back to the U.S. we will have to be even more aware because our income will be less.

I hope that answers the question on how it is to add the third child.  I don't mind questions...love them.  My motto is that I will always give out advice...when asked only!  And I will tell the honest truth.

Picking Orders

We've told our parents our Shore Duty picks this month so I thought I'd share on here as well...even though I posted a few days ago that we had started the process but I didn't give any details.  First some background knowledge.  Each set of orders available needs to be filled that month.  Therefore what is on the list this month will not be on the list the next month...nor was it on the list the month before.  You get three looks at orders before the Navy picks...although they might just go ahead and pick for you anyway!  You get five picks and you rank them in order of your most to least desirable pick.  We may not get picked for any of these orders at all...and then we would re-pick next month.  However, each time you have to re-pick the probability of the Navy picking for you increases. 

Okay...so here it is!
1. Sigonella, Italy..In Sicily
2. Iwakuni, Japan (Marine Base)
3. Pensacola, FL
4. Miramar, CA in San Diego (Marine Base)
5. Fallon, NV

Getting Italy is very very unlikely...not many spots and tons of people pick it!  We have a few strikes against us for the overseas orders.  One being that we have one too many dependents.  We would have to get a waiver.  Now if it was Yokosuka or the G.W. it wouldn't be a problem.  They need to fill the spots here...do they need to fill the spots as quickly there?  We don't know...nor do we know if someone else that picked those orders is more desirable than us because they don't have more than 2 children.  I should note that the limit on two children simply is because of the availability of homes big enough to accommodate a larger family.  Also in between back to back overseas duties the Navy will pay for you and your family to fly back to your home of record.  So therefore should we get either one of our top two picks the Navy would have to pay to fly the five us back to Indiana.  And in a tight budget time that would be strike for us.  On the positive it would cost the Navy less money to move us to Italy or to Iwakuni, Japan compared to a family living in the U.S.

I hope that I explained all of that clear enough!  So I'll add like I did in the other posts.  If you feel inclined please lift up a prayer for us that we end up where we need to be!

Facebook Mommy Wars

I recently came across an article on my Facebook newsfeed.  I'm not even sure which one of my "liked" pages had posted the article but the title caught my attention and so I clicked.  The intro to the article was about what how social media influenced the author as a mother.  She was spending too much time at the park on her iPhone instead of playing with her children.  She was cruising Facebook off and on all day instead of really listening and paying attention to her children.  It was also a plea for other mothers and fathers to leave the social media and be with your children.  A good article with a good message...I made a mental note to myself.  However, it wasn't what I had hoped the article would be about.

I had hoped the article would be about how social media has made many of us prideful.  Yup...I said it prideful.  The status prompt back way when used to just say, "Julie Gogel is....".  But now it reads, "What's on your mind?"  And while the prompt opens up new possibilities of statuses without them reading slightly goofy it also opens up a new avenue.  Your posts can be about anything...anything at all.  You can post whatever you want.  You can upload pictures or videos of pretty much anything you want. 

The purpose of having Facebook for me is to stay in touch with family and friends.  That's it.  So I post my thoughts that are relative to my family to share with those that want to keep updated on us.  But so much of my news feed is about people bragging.  Some can't do anything or buy anything without making a post or uploading a picture.  Look at my new.....  See this awesome craft I did with my kids....I'm such a great mom because....  Look at the pictures from my kids' party....can you see how much time and money I spent on it...  (Can you tell most of my "friends" are mothers!)  But seriously...Facebook only seems to add to those so called "Mommy Wars".  It's not enough to fight about breast or formula feeding, sleeping arrangements of mom, dad, and baby, the introduction of solids, stroller or baby wearing, etc.  Now we all have to compete about parties, crafts, our homes, what we made for supper, etc.  You get the point.  Now I will allow that some people just want to share....Check out this meal I made.  It was healthy and easy so here have the link to the recipe.  But there is line between just sharing a moment and posting it with the intent of bragging.  When you can't make a craft with your kids and not upload a picture of it to share with everyone how great it was...as a reflection of you as a mother.  You are in trouble.  When you need those likes and comments to feel satisfaction or vindication then you are in also...in trouble.  When you can't buy something new or redecorate without uploading a picture or video then you guessed it...in trouble!  We live our lives for ourselves...not others.  You don't make a craft with your kids just to post it on Facebook (OH, how I hope so!) you make it to have fun with your children...to teach them... to laugh with them.  You don't make supper for your family just to plate it beautifully to post it to Facebook.  You make a wonderful supper for your family to enjoy together....so enjoy it and put away the social media.  My supper is prepped and ready to put together after I lay down for a nap...should Abel and Caraline allow it.  I can look over at our "craft wall" in the dining room and see our Easter and Spring crafts we've done so far but I won't be posting about it.  :)

Next Adventure

Noah is off at preschool.  Caraline and Abel are napping.  And I have time to hopefully write a little post. 

On Friday, it was our time to look at orders.  Zack and I sent emails back and forth and we picked our top 5 options.  From Europe to Asia, East Coast to West Coast, and even in between is where we might end up!  We're excited and slightly anxious as the date of leaving approaches at the beginning of next year.  We don't know if we will get one of our picks and we'll find out in another month or so.  We shall see!  It seems though that as soon as we picked it really got us thinking about our next step.  It added some clarity to what we want for our next adventure or what we really don't want!  We will be sad to leave Yokosuka but it will be time for us to move on.  We are settled, which tells our military family that it's almost time to leave!  I'm trying not to think about the zillion and one steps between now and arriving at our next duty station.  I'm trying to avoid the mental breakdown and anxiety attack...one step at a time Julie!  It will be shore duty for our family something that we haven't experienced yet.  So it is comforting knowing that Zack will be with us.  I won't be on my own like I am here.  Thank goodness for great friends!  I believe that each place we end up is because we need to be there.  I also believe that we also end up where we do because the people we come across need us too.  So I've been saying some prayers that God will place us where we need to be for our family and for those people that we will meet along the way.  So if you feel so inclined, lift up a prayer for us!