Our family has been busy lately. I've been preparing for our move and for Zack to come home to us. It's a similar process of going room to room so it was easy to do it at the same time. I know that I've mentioned before that we are anti-stuff. I've recently come to realize that we share many of the same beliefs as minimalists. And so we are minimalists...something that I never thought I would label myself as growing up being a pack-rat! However, it does fit us. We really do think long and hard before bringing in something new to our house...sometimes it's a long painful process thinking it over. (It took us over one calendar year to finally decide to get an iPad!) Do we need it? Does it serve the purpose we want it to? Does it go along with our family philosophy? And truthfully almost all of the time we decide against it. Noah is at the age now where he sees things or hears his friends talking about an item and he expresses interest in owning said item. Almost all of the time it's a gentle no and an explanation about how we have enough. We don't need more. We need to play with the items we have and enjoy what we have. And sometimes it's an item that comes under consideration and is stored away for a possible gift from Santa. It's not that we mind him playing with the toys it's just not something we are comfortable owning in our house.
One of the many things we've been able to shelter our kids from the American culture is the more, more, more mentality. More is better in America. But more isn't better. Our children have never seen a long toy aisle in Wal-Mart or Toys R Us. They've seen the small toy aisles at the NEX our out in town which is nothing to compared to the average length of aisles in America. Will they see toy aisles in America? I'm sure that it can't be avoided even though we most likely wouldn't buy any of the toys anyway. And I am sure that they will be tempted and point out this and that. And once again we will have the conversation gently telling them that they have enough. We don't need more and more to make us happy. Noah has seen toy commercials as a baby but he hasn't seen any in years. Yes, our kids have not been exposed to toy commercials. We cancelled our cable television a while ago and we only get the free Armed Forces Network(AFN) channels. I can thank AFN for their cheesy public service announcements instead of exposing our children to advertising designed to make them go running to mom and dad saying, "I NEED.....". We don't watch much television anyway though. We do watch movies or episodes from certain television series off an external hard drive though. And so we will not be buying cable when we move to Nevada. We will not spend the money for the channels when we don't watch them. That money can be utilized elsewhere. And it also has the added benefit of being able to monitor the influences that come into our home.
I'd like to point out that it isn't like our children aren't given toys or things they like or enjoy. They do...but to a point. Just like anything that comes into the house it is a thoughtful process. They do have a few toys that I wouldn't mind setting by the curb free for a taker but they enjoy them. I try to meet them somewhere along the spectrum and so they stay...(for now)!
Caraline recently played with Barbies owned by friends at the pool or their houses. And I see that she enjoys playing with them...brushing their hair...suckering in an unsuspecting soul to change their clothes for her every few minutes. The Barbie or no Barbie has been on my mind for a while now...thinking it over because the time was coming. And I'm still thankful that Christmas is still off in the future that we have more time to come to come to a firm conclusion on whether or not Barbie will be added into the toys at the Gogel house.
The Gogel Family
The Family
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Hair Cutting Disaster!
I haven't posted in a while...soaking up the available time for relaxation and downtime...storing it up! Having mom come and visit and being able to stay with us for so long is wonderful. It helps give me the extra push and energy needed to get through the deployment season. The lead up to the ship leaving is so stressful and chaotic that I'm pretty much zapped of energy before it's even time to use it! So having my parents visit and my mom stay longer gives me a much needed refresher. And time to catch up with her. I think we both are looking forward to her retirement and when we can spend more frequent time together.
There is one "incident" that occurred while mom was here that I've been meaning to write a post about. The "hair cutting" incident between Noah and Caraline. Mom was in the shower. I ran upstairs with Abel to change my shirt after Abel soaked it with drool and do a few other minor things. I come down the stairs and see Noah holding the scissors and Caraline standing in the middle of a huge giant pile of hair! And my stomach hit the floor...I thought I was going to vomit! So I cleaned it up while telling and explaining to the kids how this was not a good idea. It was a very bad idea! Then I ran upstairs to mom in the shower and yelled...MOM! By this time my stomach had recovered and I was on the verge of hysterical laughing! Noah had given her a hack job of a mullet. Folks...it was BAD! I called and Facebook messaged a friend saying HELP! And so she got in contact with a friend that cuts hair here on base...and so it all was "fixed" that night. I was so grateful! I know it's just hair. Just hair. BUT seriously she wasn't fit for going outside of the house! That phrase coming from a mom that requires shirt, shorts, and shoes in the summer time. I don't care what color or pattern the outfit contains. It can be sandals, tennis shoes, dress shoes, or rain boots...as long as it's appropriate for where we are headed...such as no rain boots to go play at the park. If they like it and picked it out...then that's good enough for me!
And I knew I was going to hear about it from Zack. He loved her long hair. If it would be up to him she wouldn't have her first haircut until she was in school. And of course I was going to get asked about why there are still scissors laying around the house when of course this is not the first time there has been hair cutting endeavors done by Noah and Caraline. And so this is why we still have scissors actually multiple pairs of scissors in the art caddy on the table...
The independence the scissors allow the kids to have out weighs the cons of possible hair cutting disasters. They both have been taught and always follow the "right" way to hold scissors while they are walking...and know they shouldn't leave the table with the scissors unless it's really necessary. I know...independence. You've heard it over and over again from me. They are two and four what possible could I be thinking when they have obviously shown that they do "wrong" things with the independence of having the scissors? I'm thinking...they are learning! They both had a moment that I saw on their faces when they realized the consequences of their little hair cutting mutiny. They learned that mom and dad knew what they were talking about when they told us scissors are only for cutting paper, doing crafts, or to help us open up a snack. They learned that once something is done you can't just "fix it". They learned there are consequences to their actions. They learned that just because they have and idea...doesn't mean that they should go ahead and do it. And all in all I'd call those lessons much more important than butchered hair cut!
There is one "incident" that occurred while mom was here that I've been meaning to write a post about. The "hair cutting" incident between Noah and Caraline. Mom was in the shower. I ran upstairs with Abel to change my shirt after Abel soaked it with drool and do a few other minor things. I come down the stairs and see Noah holding the scissors and Caraline standing in the middle of a huge giant pile of hair! And my stomach hit the floor...I thought I was going to vomit! So I cleaned it up while telling and explaining to the kids how this was not a good idea. It was a very bad idea! Then I ran upstairs to mom in the shower and yelled...MOM! By this time my stomach had recovered and I was on the verge of hysterical laughing! Noah had given her a hack job of a mullet. Folks...it was BAD! I called and Facebook messaged a friend saying HELP! And so she got in contact with a friend that cuts hair here on base...and so it all was "fixed" that night. I was so grateful! I know it's just hair. Just hair. BUT seriously she wasn't fit for going outside of the house! That phrase coming from a mom that requires shirt, shorts, and shoes in the summer time. I don't care what color or pattern the outfit contains. It can be sandals, tennis shoes, dress shoes, or rain boots...as long as it's appropriate for where we are headed...such as no rain boots to go play at the park. If they like it and picked it out...then that's good enough for me!
And I knew I was going to hear about it from Zack. He loved her long hair. If it would be up to him she wouldn't have her first haircut until she was in school. And of course I was going to get asked about why there are still scissors laying around the house when of course this is not the first time there has been hair cutting endeavors done by Noah and Caraline. And so this is why we still have scissors actually multiple pairs of scissors in the art caddy on the table...
The independence the scissors allow the kids to have out weighs the cons of possible hair cutting disasters. They both have been taught and always follow the "right" way to hold scissors while they are walking...and know they shouldn't leave the table with the scissors unless it's really necessary. I know...independence. You've heard it over and over again from me. They are two and four what possible could I be thinking when they have obviously shown that they do "wrong" things with the independence of having the scissors? I'm thinking...they are learning! They both had a moment that I saw on their faces when they realized the consequences of their little hair cutting mutiny. They learned that mom and dad knew what they were talking about when they told us scissors are only for cutting paper, doing crafts, or to help us open up a snack. They learned that once something is done you can't just "fix it". They learned there are consequences to their actions. They learned that just because they have and idea...doesn't mean that they should go ahead and do it. And all in all I'd call those lessons much more important than butchered hair cut!
Friday, June 27, 2014
New Place to Call Home
We haven't received our hard copies yet of our orders and so therefore we are not ready to share what the Navy has in store for us just yet. But it will be a whole new place and landscape for us. Each place we call home comes with it's on joys and challenges. And the attitude about the location has a whole lot to do with how much joy it can bring. And I refuse to go into a move thinking how horrible it is going to be if the location wasn't what I was hoping for. But each move raises a whole set of questions and answers and planning.
And the list could go on and on! But moving each time is starting over. Now that I know where we are headed I feel myself already starting to "check out" here. I feel myself becoming less invested and slowly becoming more aware and invested in the base and area of our new home. "Liking" the spouse page, command page, and various community pages has already slowly started filling my head with information and various possibilities for us and the kids. We will hit the ground running! :)
- Is this a "good" move for Zack, for us?
- Do we know anyone there?
- Do we know anyone that used to lived there...or friends of friends?
- What do we know about it?
- What is the weather/climate like?
- Find appropriate Facebook pages and "Like" them all!
- How much will the paycheck be?
- How much will we get for housing?
- Buy, rent, or base Housing?
- Utility costs?
- Washer and Dryer included in base housing?
- Is there a commissary, NEX, or hospital?
- What type of insurance do we need to have?
- Cell Phone provider that has coverage in that area?
- What's on the base? Movie Theater? Bowling? Etc.?
- Preschool opportunities and cost associated?
- Visit greatschools.org and look out the school system.
- What's around in the community? Travel opportunities?
And the list could go on and on! But moving each time is starting over. Now that I know where we are headed I feel myself already starting to "check out" here. I feel myself becoming less invested and slowly becoming more aware and invested in the base and area of our new home. "Liking" the spouse page, command page, and various community pages has already slowly started filling my head with information and various possibilities for us and the kids. We will hit the ground running! :)
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Mothering During Deployments: Reflection
My parents are visiting us right now. This is their third visit to us here in Japan. We've been having fun hanging out around home. I am ever so thankful that that they are able to come and visit us...and thankful for their help while they are here. There is so much that I am able to get done while they are visiting...spring cleaning and doctor appointments! My parents help me each year to clean that once a year stuff around the house. I have just enough time during my day to get done the weekly and monthly cleaning...nothing more. I also wait to schedule my dentist and eye doctor appointments while they are here.
During the six months while Zack is home during the year, about three fourths of that he is home during the evenings to spend time with us and help out. The other one fourth of that time...the gearing up time before he leaves is always a crazy time for us. His work is gearing up...the stress levels rise at work and at home...the kids know something is changing...and it all escalates to craziness. And then Zack leaves and the level of craziness just drops off. He's doing what he's trained to do...and well I guess I am too! It's a lot to handle...this lifestyle. In many ways I am a single parent all year around. I hear my dad a few times while he's here telling me I could have helped you...I can tell your used to doing things yourself. And yes I am. Zack works for the Navy(Something my parents fully understand). He may work only a few blocks from the house but that doesn't mean that he's free to come to my rescue. He isn't! He's there to help out and support when he can...but ultimately it's me. Me. I think often during my 6 months of pure solo parenting that I am thankful I'm not a single mom/dad. Those parents are not given enough kudos. I am a single parent much of the year but it's different. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food on the table, health and dental insurance, and the list goes on...purely by the support of my husband. There is a laundry list that I do solo....but also a whole lot of other things I don't have to worry about. And I have a husband that thanks me, loves me, and respects me. Those single parents out there don't have that. And so while I do think about sometimes while life is seeming to be in overload at that moment how much I'm doing solo, I do remember that I'm not alone. I am sure that given the opportunity to run home and help me out Zack would do that. But it's the nature of deployments...things break, kids get sick, and more disasters happen than any other time! I do think about that one day just like every other mother my children realize the work and joy that was put into their lives...and especially for us that the sacrifices that they make are shadowed by all that they are given and are able to experience.
Our lives are also different while Zack is gone. I'd kinda relate it to being in vacation mode while Zack is gone. It's a reset time for me as a mother...to venture back to the core of what I want to be as a mother...to center us back on track. Noah picks what we have for supper most nights...pancakes and waffles make many appearances. We get our work done in the morning...the daily chores for that day and then it's play time. We spend a lot of time at the many parks on base or going on little train trips. We can keep our own time. I will admit that I am so a more relaxed person while Zack is gone. Things around the house are done my way, everything is where I put it, and I'm in control. I've been working on the past few years to not be so uptight while Zack is home...let go of some of that control. I'm better but there is still room for improvement. My duties as a mother aren't really any more while Zack is away but it is more lonely. It is much easier to go through a rough day with three little ones knowing that eventually that evening Zack will be home to relax with after the kids have gone to bed.
And so now I leave you to finish my snack, read a bit, and go to bed....because deployments also give me a time to center myself. It's me and my thoughts...working, thinking, and reflecting.
During the six months while Zack is home during the year, about three fourths of that he is home during the evenings to spend time with us and help out. The other one fourth of that time...the gearing up time before he leaves is always a crazy time for us. His work is gearing up...the stress levels rise at work and at home...the kids know something is changing...and it all escalates to craziness. And then Zack leaves and the level of craziness just drops off. He's doing what he's trained to do...and well I guess I am too! It's a lot to handle...this lifestyle. In many ways I am a single parent all year around. I hear my dad a few times while he's here telling me I could have helped you...I can tell your used to doing things yourself. And yes I am. Zack works for the Navy(Something my parents fully understand). He may work only a few blocks from the house but that doesn't mean that he's free to come to my rescue. He isn't! He's there to help out and support when he can...but ultimately it's me. Me. I think often during my 6 months of pure solo parenting that I am thankful I'm not a single mom/dad. Those parents are not given enough kudos. I am a single parent much of the year but it's different. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food on the table, health and dental insurance, and the list goes on...purely by the support of my husband. There is a laundry list that I do solo....but also a whole lot of other things I don't have to worry about. And I have a husband that thanks me, loves me, and respects me. Those single parents out there don't have that. And so while I do think about sometimes while life is seeming to be in overload at that moment how much I'm doing solo, I do remember that I'm not alone. I am sure that given the opportunity to run home and help me out Zack would do that. But it's the nature of deployments...things break, kids get sick, and more disasters happen than any other time! I do think about that one day just like every other mother my children realize the work and joy that was put into their lives...and especially for us that the sacrifices that they make are shadowed by all that they are given and are able to experience.
Our lives are also different while Zack is gone. I'd kinda relate it to being in vacation mode while Zack is gone. It's a reset time for me as a mother...to venture back to the core of what I want to be as a mother...to center us back on track. Noah picks what we have for supper most nights...pancakes and waffles make many appearances. We get our work done in the morning...the daily chores for that day and then it's play time. We spend a lot of time at the many parks on base or going on little train trips. We can keep our own time. I will admit that I am so a more relaxed person while Zack is gone. Things around the house are done my way, everything is where I put it, and I'm in control. I've been working on the past few years to not be so uptight while Zack is home...let go of some of that control. I'm better but there is still room for improvement. My duties as a mother aren't really any more while Zack is away but it is more lonely. It is much easier to go through a rough day with three little ones knowing that eventually that evening Zack will be home to relax with after the kids have gone to bed.
And so now I leave you to finish my snack, read a bit, and go to bed....because deployments also give me a time to center myself. It's me and my thoughts...working, thinking, and reflecting.
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Are you ready for #4, yet?
"Are you ready for #4, yet?"
I don't mind the question...It's been asked quite a few times. Even Zack and I tease each other with that phrase. All three kids are melting down at the same time. I looked over and Zack and we make eye contact and I say, "Babe, Are you ready for #4?!" And usually I get sarcasm back in return! And so here is the truth of the matter...as seen from my eyes.
It was a big NO because of the bedtime craziness. No way would I think about adding another little one to put to sleep at night when I couldn't get the three we have to sleep without it being a major knock out drag out. That issue has been addressed and hopefully taken care of!
And it is a No, not yet, because of my baby, Abel. I was attached and in love with all of my babies. They were my babies...mine. But with Abel it is different. He is my third...and only God knows how many babies we will be blessed with. And him being the third...means that I know that the baby phase doesn't last forever. And so I am ubber attached. I am beyond attached...almost to a unhealthy level! We began co sleeping when he was a newborn...from the beginning. It was something that I had done with Noah and Caraline...but it was later on in their life and not all night. But I started immediately with Abel because it was physically painful to be apart from him. I needed him like air. I needed to feel his little body...smell his head...snuggle him up against me. He is almost 7mths now and he is just now starting out the night in his crib. Something I just felt like starting up one day...but I also know that he'll be back in my room soon with my parents using that room during their visit. It was safe for me to start that knowing that it wasn't going to last forever. It's a trial run! Just maybe I wonder if this super attachment that was formed at birth helped me not to relive the postpartum depression I had after Caraline's birth. He is worn a lot...a lot. It's the nature of being the third and living where we do. But he doesn't mind. He loves it! And even the male cashier at the commissary commented today about how much it looks like he loves being in the carrier. And so he is worn...snuggled up with me...given a zillion and one kisses on his head! He is also held a lot. I could hold him all day long. Abel hasn't been held a lot either by my friends here. They do on occasion when I need an extra hand or they ask to give him a squish. But I think they know that I'm quite attached! He has a whole lot of personality in his little body. I see him being charismatic...he has a whole lot of personality and charm already. And he smiles and laughs all the time. And I mean all the time. And so I can't help but to sit and hold him while making him giggle or laugh along with him as he gives me a gummy smile. And Oh...do I love the smell of his neck. Yes it might be strange...but he smells like a baby. And it's intoxicating! Maybe it's because we use natural soap with him and so he smells like he smells. He has the real baby scent compared to the bottled smell they sell on the shelf! And I could of course go on and on about how much I love this little guy...but I won't! Or maybe I already have!
When I'm pregnant I feel myself come apart a bit from my youngest child...just a smidge. They aren't going to be the baby anymore...and I'll have another baby born soon. And so as they grow out of baby and into toddler there is a bit of a separation from mommy. No more nursing...sleeping through the night...self feeding...and so on. And so I am not ready...anywhere close to being ready to make that bit of separation between me and Abel. I cut his umbilical cord but it doesn't really matter...I am attached and linked with that little baby boy.
I don't mind the question...It's been asked quite a few times. Even Zack and I tease each other with that phrase. All three kids are melting down at the same time. I looked over and Zack and we make eye contact and I say, "Babe, Are you ready for #4?!" And usually I get sarcasm back in return! And so here is the truth of the matter...as seen from my eyes.
It was a big NO because of the bedtime craziness. No way would I think about adding another little one to put to sleep at night when I couldn't get the three we have to sleep without it being a major knock out drag out. That issue has been addressed and hopefully taken care of!
And it is a No, not yet, because of my baby, Abel. I was attached and in love with all of my babies. They were my babies...mine. But with Abel it is different. He is my third...and only God knows how many babies we will be blessed with. And him being the third...means that I know that the baby phase doesn't last forever. And so I am ubber attached. I am beyond attached...almost to a unhealthy level! We began co sleeping when he was a newborn...from the beginning. It was something that I had done with Noah and Caraline...but it was later on in their life and not all night. But I started immediately with Abel because it was physically painful to be apart from him. I needed him like air. I needed to feel his little body...smell his head...snuggle him up against me. He is almost 7mths now and he is just now starting out the night in his crib. Something I just felt like starting up one day...but I also know that he'll be back in my room soon with my parents using that room during their visit. It was safe for me to start that knowing that it wasn't going to last forever. It's a trial run! Just maybe I wonder if this super attachment that was formed at birth helped me not to relive the postpartum depression I had after Caraline's birth. He is worn a lot...a lot. It's the nature of being the third and living where we do. But he doesn't mind. He loves it! And even the male cashier at the commissary commented today about how much it looks like he loves being in the carrier. And so he is worn...snuggled up with me...given a zillion and one kisses on his head! He is also held a lot. I could hold him all day long. Abel hasn't been held a lot either by my friends here. They do on occasion when I need an extra hand or they ask to give him a squish. But I think they know that I'm quite attached! He has a whole lot of personality in his little body. I see him being charismatic...he has a whole lot of personality and charm already. And he smiles and laughs all the time. And I mean all the time. And so I can't help but to sit and hold him while making him giggle or laugh along with him as he gives me a gummy smile. And Oh...do I love the smell of his neck. Yes it might be strange...but he smells like a baby. And it's intoxicating! Maybe it's because we use natural soap with him and so he smells like he smells. He has the real baby scent compared to the bottled smell they sell on the shelf! And I could of course go on and on about how much I love this little guy...but I won't! Or maybe I already have!
When I'm pregnant I feel myself come apart a bit from my youngest child...just a smidge. They aren't going to be the baby anymore...and I'll have another baby born soon. And so as they grow out of baby and into toddler there is a bit of a separation from mommy. No more nursing...sleeping through the night...self feeding...and so on. And so I am not ready...anywhere close to being ready to make that bit of separation between me and Abel. I cut his umbilical cord but it doesn't really matter...I am attached and linked with that little baby boy.
The Ending of Bedtime Craziness (Fingers Crossed!)
I'm sitting here an hour after bedtime in a peaceful house. Actually it was peaceful 30 minutes ago and that hasn't happened in a long time. I suppose it was since February, when Noah started school. When he started school our bedtime routine went out the window. He came home exhausted. Just having him take a bath...or walk upstairs to his pajamas was a battle. And so I decided it wasn't worth it. We'd do baths in the morning. There that solved that problem. But it created another problem...neither Noah or Caraline would wind down enough to go to sleep. They both have had baths before bed since birth and I took away the major cue that said, "Bedtime ahead!" And chaos was left in his place.
I follow quite a few natural, attachment parenting, and baby wearing mommas on Facebook. And a few weeks ago one of them posted a little post about how the way we discipline as a parent is rooted in the way we are as a person. And trust me it was more eloquently put than that...but that's the gist! And I thought about my disciple struggles with Noah since he started school. I can totally empathize with him. It is hard to be good at school...and he's golden good at school. He's learning, and growing, and his thinking is expanding. He is working hard. And I know it. And I remember going through the same thing as a child when I started first grade. However, it doesn't give him an excuse for his poor behavior. And I realized that honestly most of our issues come down to power struggles...struggles that I can't loose. I have to win. I have to win at all costs. And I've been like that since a child...(yes, my poor mother!). I have to win the argument...I have to have the last word. And Noah thinks he does too. So imagine this power struggle between mother and son. And I also knew that most of his outburst were because he was either scared or frustrated. And so the scared is treated with a hug and questions...and the frustration...well I'm trying to not add to that problem!
And so bedtime. It was a huge power struggle. I needed Noah and Caraline to go to sleep...so then I could put an already fussing Abel to sleep. Except Noah and Caraline wouldn't go to sleep. They screamed, yelled, bounced, jumped, and all sorts of other things. And then Abel was screaming for his bedtime. And it was absolutely pure craziness...I was frazzled...the kids were out of control...and it resulted in a lot of screaming, yelling, tears, and pleas! And so Zack and I decided to extend bedtime an hour. It was a painful decision! :) Seriously rough thinking about having that extra hour...but it wasn't an extra hour. It was an hour less that I had to run around each evening just trying to get everyone to be quiet and go to sleep. And so the extra hour worked a bit...but we had some residual issues going on. I was going into their room way too many times...acknowledging their craziness. I knew it...but I didn't have much of a choice. And so we still had some struggles. And so with some help of some Facebook friends...tonight we went to bed in peace. All three kids asleep peacefully in their beds within 30 minutes...when just days before it was 2 hours later. I revamped the last 30 minutes of waking time. 15 minutes is spent playing a "night time game"...Noah's words! And so tonight it was Operation. Then it was lavender essential oil behind their ears. And lastly it was being brushed. For those not aware this is using a fingernail/hand sponge/bristle brushed used by medical professionals before surgery. For those mommas out there, they use the brush for baby's first bath. I've rinsed out the sterilization soap very thoroughly. The kids lay down with their head on a pillow...and I brush their backs and limbs. It's very soothing and centering for my babes. And then it was off to bed. Ahh! Peaceful bedtime!
I follow quite a few natural, attachment parenting, and baby wearing mommas on Facebook. And a few weeks ago one of them posted a little post about how the way we discipline as a parent is rooted in the way we are as a person. And trust me it was more eloquently put than that...but that's the gist! And I thought about my disciple struggles with Noah since he started school. I can totally empathize with him. It is hard to be good at school...and he's golden good at school. He's learning, and growing, and his thinking is expanding. He is working hard. And I know it. And I remember going through the same thing as a child when I started first grade. However, it doesn't give him an excuse for his poor behavior. And I realized that honestly most of our issues come down to power struggles...struggles that I can't loose. I have to win. I have to win at all costs. And I've been like that since a child...(yes, my poor mother!). I have to win the argument...I have to have the last word. And Noah thinks he does too. So imagine this power struggle between mother and son. And I also knew that most of his outburst were because he was either scared or frustrated. And so the scared is treated with a hug and questions...and the frustration...well I'm trying to not add to that problem!
And so bedtime. It was a huge power struggle. I needed Noah and Caraline to go to sleep...so then I could put an already fussing Abel to sleep. Except Noah and Caraline wouldn't go to sleep. They screamed, yelled, bounced, jumped, and all sorts of other things. And then Abel was screaming for his bedtime. And it was absolutely pure craziness...I was frazzled...the kids were out of control...and it resulted in a lot of screaming, yelling, tears, and pleas! And so Zack and I decided to extend bedtime an hour. It was a painful decision! :) Seriously rough thinking about having that extra hour...but it wasn't an extra hour. It was an hour less that I had to run around each evening just trying to get everyone to be quiet and go to sleep. And so the extra hour worked a bit...but we had some residual issues going on. I was going into their room way too many times...acknowledging their craziness. I knew it...but I didn't have much of a choice. And so we still had some struggles. And so with some help of some Facebook friends...tonight we went to bed in peace. All three kids asleep peacefully in their beds within 30 minutes...when just days before it was 2 hours later. I revamped the last 30 minutes of waking time. 15 minutes is spent playing a "night time game"...Noah's words! And so tonight it was Operation. Then it was lavender essential oil behind their ears. And lastly it was being brushed. For those not aware this is using a fingernail/hand sponge/bristle brushed used by medical professionals before surgery. For those mommas out there, they use the brush for baby's first bath. I've rinsed out the sterilization soap very thoroughly. The kids lay down with their head on a pillow...and I brush their backs and limbs. It's very soothing and centering for my babes. And then it was off to bed. Ahh! Peaceful bedtime!
Monday, May 12, 2014
Momma Lessons from Caraline
Caraline has taught me a lot about being a mother. She's changed me as a mother. Firstly, she's taught me about being a mother to a daughter. It was a whole new world after raising son! She clops around the house in her plastic high heels wearing a dress along with a tutu...play jewelry around her neck and wrists...all while toting around "Baby" and her baby's things. And then I turn around and she's outside getting wet and dirty...and when she's done she takes off her high heels and hands me her shoes and tutu telling me her princess clothes are dirty and need washed. She's my kind of girl...a princess that doesn't mind to get dirty!
She is stubborn. We've recently had a meeting of the minds that has left her knowing that just maybe there is another way other than her way. And I think sometimes I mistake her independence for stubbornness. And so she is both. Up until the last few months she wasn't in need for reassurances. I'm not sure why the change...maybe Abel's birth but now she needs and seeks out those hugs and kisses throughout the day. She is also sensitive. She has sensitive feelings...she is a lady with delicate feelings. Poor Zackary is learning this along the way too! He's learning that it isn't necessarily what he says but the way he says it...and sometimes it is what he says! A harsh tone and she's in tears crying. But she is also sensitive to the feelings of others around her...she has the power to know what to do or say to calm Noah...and the power to push him over the edge and stand nearby to watch how he melts down! That's Caraline! And maybe with those feelings she is able to see in others...she sees that sometimes her momma needs those hugs and kisses too throughout the day. Not many things calm and center me like her little arms around my neck...and she likes to rub my back with one hand while she's hanging on tight.
I've mentioned the meeting of the minds above...let me explain. Caraline has recently gone into a picky eating stage. She's in the full throws of that toddler picky stage. Thankfully she still loves those food pouches! Our little delicate lady can't really afford not to eat! So Caraline won't eat much at supper time. Then before bedtime I call last call for snacks. She eats a snack and off to bed. Except she doesn't go to sleep right away. She still needs and enjoys naps...3 hour naps! And I don't mind at all because I need naps too. But with those naps it means that she isn't ready to go to sleep when it's bedtime. And so she plays. About two hours after they've been taken upstairs she cries about being hungry. And so then she is taken downstairs to eat her actual supper. I refuse to make her go to sleep while she is hungry. The idea that if she would just eat at supper time then she wouldn't be hungry is not lost on me. Zack and I were aggravated with this behavior. Seriously...Caraline just eat your supper! After a long day of taking care of the kids I need that downtime in the evening. But my thinking has changed...and therefore so has Zack's. She needs the 20 minutes of time sitting next to me on the couch each evening after her siblings have fallen asleep. She quietly sits and eats her supper sitting nearly on top of me on the couch. A few reminders along the way to actually eat instead of watching TV...and then it's teeth brushing (again) and she's carried back upstairs. She asks to peak up at Noah on the top bunk...and then she's put in her bed. And she usually is asleep within a few minutes. One night last week I was really frustrated with her behavior and she knew it. She put her arms around my neck and said, "Momma, I love you." I melted and felt so sad and sorry for getting irritated with her. I suddenly realized that she needs this time. For whatever reason she enjoys taking 3 hour naps...to go to sleep 2 hours after Noah....she likes to eat her supper 3 hours after Noah and right before falling asleep. And eat that supper while sitting on the couch next to her momma. I don't understand and won't pretend to understand what goes on with that little lady. And so for now I will keep reminding myself that this is what she needs and enjoy sitting with her each evening while she eats her supper.
She is stubborn. We've recently had a meeting of the minds that has left her knowing that just maybe there is another way other than her way. And I think sometimes I mistake her independence for stubbornness. And so she is both. Up until the last few months she wasn't in need for reassurances. I'm not sure why the change...maybe Abel's birth but now she needs and seeks out those hugs and kisses throughout the day. She is also sensitive. She has sensitive feelings...she is a lady with delicate feelings. Poor Zackary is learning this along the way too! He's learning that it isn't necessarily what he says but the way he says it...and sometimes it is what he says! A harsh tone and she's in tears crying. But she is also sensitive to the feelings of others around her...she has the power to know what to do or say to calm Noah...and the power to push him over the edge and stand nearby to watch how he melts down! That's Caraline! And maybe with those feelings she is able to see in others...she sees that sometimes her momma needs those hugs and kisses too throughout the day. Not many things calm and center me like her little arms around my neck...and she likes to rub my back with one hand while she's hanging on tight.
I've mentioned the meeting of the minds above...let me explain. Caraline has recently gone into a picky eating stage. She's in the full throws of that toddler picky stage. Thankfully she still loves those food pouches! Our little delicate lady can't really afford not to eat! So Caraline won't eat much at supper time. Then before bedtime I call last call for snacks. She eats a snack and off to bed. Except she doesn't go to sleep right away. She still needs and enjoys naps...3 hour naps! And I don't mind at all because I need naps too. But with those naps it means that she isn't ready to go to sleep when it's bedtime. And so she plays. About two hours after they've been taken upstairs she cries about being hungry. And so then she is taken downstairs to eat her actual supper. I refuse to make her go to sleep while she is hungry. The idea that if she would just eat at supper time then she wouldn't be hungry is not lost on me. Zack and I were aggravated with this behavior. Seriously...Caraline just eat your supper! After a long day of taking care of the kids I need that downtime in the evening. But my thinking has changed...and therefore so has Zack's. She needs the 20 minutes of time sitting next to me on the couch each evening after her siblings have fallen asleep. She quietly sits and eats her supper sitting nearly on top of me on the couch. A few reminders along the way to actually eat instead of watching TV...and then it's teeth brushing (again) and she's carried back upstairs. She asks to peak up at Noah on the top bunk...and then she's put in her bed. And she usually is asleep within a few minutes. One night last week I was really frustrated with her behavior and she knew it. She put her arms around my neck and said, "Momma, I love you." I melted and felt so sad and sorry for getting irritated with her. I suddenly realized that she needs this time. For whatever reason she enjoys taking 3 hour naps...to go to sleep 2 hours after Noah....she likes to eat her supper 3 hours after Noah and right before falling asleep. And eat that supper while sitting on the couch next to her momma. I don't understand and won't pretend to understand what goes on with that little lady. And so for now I will keep reminding myself that this is what she needs and enjoy sitting with her each evening while she eats her supper.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)