Are you ready for #4, yet?

"Are you ready for #4, yet?"

I don't mind the question...It's been asked quite a few times.  Even Zack and I tease each other with that phrase.  All three kids are melting down at the same time.  I looked over and Zack and we make eye contact and I say, "Babe, Are you ready for #4?!"  And usually I get sarcasm back in return!  And so here is the truth of the matter...as seen from my eyes.

It was a big NO because of the bedtime craziness.  No way would I think about adding another little one to put to sleep at night when I couldn't get the three we have to sleep without it being a major knock out drag out.  That issue has been addressed and hopefully taken care of!

And it is a No, not yet, because of my baby, Abel.  I was attached and in love with all of my babies.  They were my babies...mine.  But with Abel it is different.  He is my third...and only God knows how many babies we will be blessed with.  And him being the third...means that I know that the baby phase doesn't last forever.  And so I am ubber attached.  I am beyond attached...almost to a unhealthy level!  We began co sleeping when he was a newborn...from the beginning.  It was something that I had done with Noah and Caraline...but it was later on in their life and not all night.  But I started immediately with Abel because it was physically painful to be apart from him.  I needed him like air.  I needed to feel his little body...smell his head...snuggle him up against me.  He is almost 7mths now and he is just now starting out the night in his crib.  Something I just felt like starting up one day...but I also know that he'll be back in my room soon with my parents using that room during their visit.  It was safe for me to start that knowing that it wasn't going to last forever.  It's a trial run!  Just maybe I wonder if this super attachment that was formed at birth helped me not to relive the postpartum depression I had after Caraline's birth.  He is worn a lot...a lot.  It's the nature of being the third and living where we do.  But he doesn't mind.  He loves it!  And even the male cashier at the commissary commented today about how much it looks like he loves being in the carrier.  And so he is worn...snuggled up with me...given a zillion and one kisses on his head!  He is also held a lot.  I could hold him all day long.  Abel hasn't been held a lot either by my friends here.  They do on occasion when I need an extra hand or they ask to give him a squish.  But I think they know that I'm quite attached!  He has a whole lot of personality in his little body.  I see him being charismatic...he has a whole lot of personality and charm already.  And he smiles and laughs all the time.  And I mean all the time.  And so I can't help but to sit and hold him while making him giggle or laugh along with him as he gives me a gummy smile.  And Oh...do I love the smell of his neck.  Yes it might be strange...but he smells like a baby.  And it's intoxicating!  Maybe it's because we use natural soap with him and so he smells like he smells.  He has the real baby scent compared to the bottled smell they sell on the shelf!  And I could of course go on and on about how much I love this little guy...but I won't! Or maybe I already have!

When I'm pregnant I feel myself come apart a bit from my youngest child...just a smidge.  They aren't going to be the baby anymore...and I'll have another baby born soon.  And so as they grow out of baby and into toddler there is a bit of a separation from mommy.  No more nursing...sleeping through the night...self feeding...and so on.  And so I am not ready...anywhere close to being ready to make that bit of separation between me and Abel.  I cut his umbilical cord but it doesn't really matter...I am attached and linked with that little baby boy.