I haven't posted in a long long time. We hit a normalcy...where our life here was getting easy and there wasn't much "exciting" going on. We did train trips and we did fun things but I lost the need to post about it. And honestly I lost the time to actually make the post. And I had meant to start back up again and life got in the way. We...I hit a rough patch and refused to make a post when I couldn't/wouldn't be honest with my life. And that's one of the things I do enjoy about living away from family/friends. I enjoy having my life be mine. I like that people back home only know what we tell them. So we are free to live our life with some anonymity. And the blog stopped as well because I was going through a transformation...personally. I outgrew some friends and got new ones. I was a young adult with two children and now I'm an adult with three children. I've learned what I value and what I do not. I know my parenting style and know what I don't agree with. I've found me. I remember the feeling of being a freshman in high school and looking at the seniors thinking..."Geez, they look like they have it all together. They know what they are doing!". And I felt the same as a freshman in college...and secretly deep down I felt the same way as a young mother looking at other mothers. However, if you would have told me that I would have probably narrowed my eyebrows at you and ran home to tell Zack what so-and-so said to me! So thank you none of you for telling me that! I would have told him..."I'm a mother! I know what I'm doing! I can't believe he/she said that to me!". And now I am confident and secure enough in myself to say...I'm a mother! And guess what I don't always know what I'm doing! And that's one of the differences between those "freshman mothers" and those "senior mothers". I won't pretend that I know! Parenting everyday is something new. They are one day older and each day brings different joys and challenges. But I do know the direction I want our family to go in. I see the end game and I hope that everyday I make choices as a parent to get us there.
I've recently realized though that I do know some things. I'm able to offer advice and encouragement. I am able to tell some mothers that I've been there and you all will survive. And then offer advice to maybe help them survive with some grace. But each time I get a message or someone asks me a question I get just a little tickled...reminding me that I do know something about that!
Just today I attending a meeting with a group of moms. Those that know me...know that going to meetings is not my thing. It is honestly too hard for me to sit there quietly and filter out the snarky comments that pop into my head. I'm not a "meeting type". But today it was a baby wearing group. And I went to the meeting and didn't have a single snarky comment pop into my head! Well I should admit that I did at the end when the group went off topic and started talking about introducing solids to their babies...and the rice cereal debate. And that's how I know that I'm firm in what I believe...because when mothers offer up their opinion not based on any medical fact what so ever I suddenly have to filter out the screaming...NO going through my head. But I respect their choices as a parent...my style is my own and no one else's. But the meeting itself was good and I was reminded that I do know something about baby wearing and my preferred carriers. And even Noah and Caraline did well at the meeting. They were by far the oldest kids there and behaved pretty well the 90 min. We shall go again. But as stated I'm not the "meeting type". So I believe I will "date" the meetings...we will go one "date" at a time!
