Mothering During Deployments: Reflection

My parents are visiting us right now.  This is their third visit to us here in Japan.  We've been having fun hanging out around home.  I am ever so thankful that that they are able to come and visit us...and thankful for their help while they are here.  There is so much that I am able to get done while they are visiting...spring cleaning and doctor appointments!  My parents help me each year to clean that once a year stuff around the house.  I have just enough time during my day to get done the weekly and monthly cleaning...nothing more.  I also wait to schedule my dentist and eye doctor appointments while they are here. 

During the six months while Zack is home during the year, about three fourths of that he is home during the evenings to spend time with us and help out.  The other one fourth of that time...the gearing up time before he leaves is always a crazy time for us.  His work is gearing up...the stress levels rise at work and at home...the kids know something is changing...and it all escalates to craziness.  And then Zack leaves and the level of craziness just drops off.  He's doing what he's trained to do...and well I guess I am too!  It's a lot to handle...this lifestyle.  In many ways I am a single parent all year around.  I hear my dad a few times while he's here telling me I could have helped you...I can tell your used to doing things yourself.  And yes I am.  Zack works for the Navy(Something my parents fully understand).  He may work only a few blocks from the house but that doesn't mean that he's free to come to my rescue.  He isn't!  He's there to help out and support when he can...but ultimately it's me.  Me.  I think often during my 6 months of pure solo parenting that I am thankful I'm not a single mom/dad.  Those parents are not given enough kudos.  I am a single parent much of the year but it's different.  I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food on the table, health and dental insurance, and the list goes on...purely by the support of my husband.  There is a laundry list that I do solo....but also a whole lot of other things I don't have to worry about.  And I have a husband that thanks me, loves me, and respects me.  Those single parents out there don't have that.  And so while I do think about sometimes while life is seeming to be in overload at that moment how much I'm doing solo, I do remember that I'm not alone.  I am sure that given the opportunity to run home and help me out Zack would do that.  But it's the nature of deployments...things break, kids get sick, and more disasters happen than any other time!  I do think about that one day just like every other mother my children realize the work and joy that was put into their lives...and especially for us that the sacrifices that they make are shadowed by all that they are given and are able to experience.

Our lives are also different while Zack is gone.  I'd kinda relate it to being in vacation mode while Zack is gone.  It's a reset time for me as a mother...to venture back to the core of what I want to be as a mother...to center us back on track.  Noah picks what we have for supper most nights...pancakes and waffles make many appearances.  We get our work done in the morning...the daily chores for that day and then it's play time.  We spend a lot of time at the many parks on base or going on little train trips.  We can keep our own time.  I will admit that I am so a more relaxed person while Zack is gone.  Things around the house are done my way, everything is where I put it, and I'm in control.  I've been working on the past few years to not be so uptight while Zack is home...let go of some of that control.  I'm better but there is still room for improvement.  My duties as a mother aren't really any more while Zack is away but it is more lonely.  It is much easier to go through a rough day with three little ones knowing that eventually that evening Zack will be home to relax with after the kids have gone to bed.

And so now I leave you to finish my snack, read a bit, and go to bed....because deployments also give me a time to center myself.  It's me and my thoughts...working, thinking, and reflecting.