Two Children
At the beginning, I struggled. I struggled the first 6 months. Caraline wasn't an "easy baby"...although I dislike that term. I must come up with something different by the time she starts asking me about herself as a baby! Along with being full of love, quick to give love out, and seriously super cute....she was independent, stubborn, and not easy to "learn". The first six months of her life...what worked one day to make her happy only made her super mad the next day. It was a good day if before bedtime I had figured out series of "things" I needed to do to make her happy. I wasn't mentally prepared...no one had warned me about this! I also had guilt. Guilt for Noah because I couldn't do the things I would have done before because my attention was split. I had guilt for Caraline because I didn't super enjoy my life during that time. Guilt because I felt like I missed out on her...enjoying her as a baby. And to be honest I still carry around some of that guilt. Noah had hit the terrible two's in full force. I couldn't leave the two of them alone together for even a second. Zack was in a particular rough spot at work. And it all added up to no bueno. But one day it was different. She woke up and was happy and content. She was easy to sooth and read what she wanted. Her and Noah played and occupied themselves...or played together. And I don't think I realized how much energy juggling them took out of me until I didn't have to do it anymore. And it was amazing! I was able to enjoy the both of them...together or apart. And I didn't feel as guilty anymore. We had fun days! I had realized somewhere along the way that I was raising the kids the way that I had seen...or the way that I thought they "should" be. Not the way that I wanted to do...or what worked for me...or what worked for the kids. And yes I use the I here because it really is me doing the parenting.
Three Children
I honestly wasn't scared. We wanted more than two children...so the logically step was three! :) I knew Caraline would be okay with a new baby...especially a baby boy. She might not have been okay so much with a girl! Noah was old enough to understand that the baby had needs too that had to be met. And he was and still is a wonderful help. Noah and Caraline have been raised to be independent. They help themselves...they clean up after they make a mess...they help with chores around the house. They have been raised with a large family in mind. Abel is happy and content. He is easy to please and loves to be independent himself. He will lay on the floor and play...watch his siblings or hang out with mom while I do chores. But the wonderful thing I realized when he was a couple weeks old...he has siblings too! So when I'm busy doing something and Abel wants company...Noah and Caraline can fill that need too. They all LOVE to sit on the couch together...and mess of limbs all piled together. Mentally for me it was an easy transition. What I do for Noah I just duplicate for Caraline. Abel is the only one in diapers and the only one that doesn't sleep through the night so that part is pretty easy. I will say though that it gets chaotic at times. With two children you can alternate taking care of their needs. You first and then the other. But with three it's Abel, then Noah...then Caraline...then maybe Noah again...then Abel...then Caraline...you get the point! Caraline isn't quite at the point where she understands that her needs will be met but just not right at this second. The only thing she does understand that when baby is hungry that it is priority number one. Noah though understands that he just might have to wait a few minutes but what he's asking of me will happen. Or he's given permission to open up the pantry and help himself or Caraline to a snack. And when we're out and about...things can get out of control quickly...three of them...two of us...or even just me! I've coined the term mutiny. Yes, with three children it is pretty easy for them to arrange a mutiny! The work never is done. There is always something that you should be doing or should have done. Or the one I dislike is the one where you need to do "something" but you just haven't had the time or mental space to take care of it. And the patience. I seem to run through it faster! Every mom could use more patience...work on becoming more patient. And on days when
Finances
Well obviously adding a third child takes up some resources in the budget. I am a budget Nazi. We live by our budget...we stick to it. We've been able to reuse much of what we already had, which saves us tons of money. Most of their clothes I buy gently used. They each get a few nice shirts for "good"...but other than that it's used or clothing donated to us by friends. I do a lot of homemade which saves us tons as well. We do cloth napkins, paper towels, diapers, and wipes. And there is a difference between the "needs" and the "wants". Adding another child has made me super aware of that note in the baby "stuff" category. I purged a ton of baby items. You might be like me and find a lot of it unnecessary and you can sell it for some extra cash! All of these savings in different areas then frees up some money. Birthdays, Christmas, Easter...we spend more...for one more child. We start saving for Christmas the very next paycheck after the holidays. Your income is your income but how you spend that money is what makes the difference. But I think it also makes us more aware...the money has to have the same impact in our lives but be stretched just a bit farther. While living here we are given extra money to make up for the cost of living outside of the U.S. economy. So when we go back to the U.S. we will have to be even more aware because our income will be less.
I hope that answers the question on how it is to add the third child. I don't mind questions...love them. My motto is that I will always give out advice...when asked only! And I will tell the honest truth.
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